Obama Vetoes 911 Family Victim Relief Bill, "If Passed, Law Would Deter Future Terrorist Attacks and That Is Not Acceptable."
Washington DC - Appearing in what he called a "Dakishi" and then apologizing in case he pronounced the word wrong, President Obama today told reporters in the White House briefing room that there was "no fucking way" he would sign a bill allowing vic...
Read full storyScientists Work on Time Machine to Take Them Back Before Trump Became the Republican Nominee
Science Town, USA Scientists, appalled at the thought of Trump becoming President of the U.S., once again began working feverishly on the time machine that they first started when Bush defeated Gore in 2000. "I'm not sure what we could do about Tr...
Read full storyBrad Pitt Knew the End of the Marriage Was Near When Angelina Kept Turning Into Millificent
Hollywood, CA Brad Pitt, recently accused of hitting his child during a flight, had even bigger problems as his wife, Angelina, filed for divorce from him. Talking about the marriage, Pitt exclaimed, "Everything was going great until Angelina did...
Read full storyWandering banana spider attacks banking industry executives they flee to off-shore estates
A sudden onslaught of Phoneutria fera, also known as the Wandering Banana Spider, has swept over the banking industry. This species is particularly virulent with males, by causing painful priapic seizure, or the onset of a monstrous ongoing erecti...
Read full storySmoking Samsung breaks "no-smoking" rule during Indian flight!
It seems that mobile telephones are gaining a life of their own as a desperate Samsung decided to have a puff on an inland Indian flight causing the rather concerned crew to grab the nearest fire-extinguisher and put the thing out. The person resp...
Read full storyTrump Outlines His Plan to Fix America to Make it Great Again
Dreamland, USA Donald Trump outlined his many plans to improve life on the planet when he becomes President: -Use China's satellites to control the U.S. weather and then make Mexico and Canada pay for the good weather. -Re-open the Obama Birther Controversy-Period. -Put Bill Cosby in jail, because he never liked his comedy anyways. -Build a wall around all the U.S. states that refused to sup...
Read full storyTrump Says He Will Require U.S. to Convert to "Trump Dollars"
Dreamland, USA Donald Trump, prospective candidate for the Republican Party of the United States, announced plans to convert U.S. currency to what he calls "Trump Dollars" once he takes over the country. "I can't give out all the specifics because...
Read full storyTrump Announces Plans to Buy Science and then Charge North Korea and Iran to Use It
Columbia, New York, NY The Academic Community today was stunned at the news that Donald Trump announced his plans for dealing with the U.S. enemies such as Iran, North Korea, and Mexico. Trump announced that he planned to purchase Science in orde...
Read full storyRain Nearly Spoiled Market Night For Traders At Bangkok's Victory Monument
Everything was going just fine at a busy Bangkok market last Friday night, until spots of rain began to fall from a cloudy sky, prompting traders to panic and cover their wares with plastic sheets, to avoid them becoming soaked. The threatened dow...
Read full story"How Can 59,054,087 People Be So Dumb?" Headline Outdone by Trump Nomination
London, England Upon the news that Trump was the Republican Party's candidate, the party that continually controls the Legislative Branch of Congress, many Brits recalled the London Mirror's fateful headline reporting the re-election of U.S. Presiden...
Read full storyI Feel Like A Bird
Here's a poem I writ when I was a bit fed up. I feel like a bird Moved to fly, or to try So high, in the sky (Or to die) And to detect a big, fat juicy worm With my beady eye I feel like a bird Special thing, on the wing For a fling, I would sing Like Evelyn Champagne King That incomparable sexy soul diva Ring-a-ding-ding! I feel like a bird And, in truth, a bit grim Hardly tr...
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