Russia Admits Hacking Into US Voting Machines
While Donald Trump is still in denial about any Russian collusion into his win on election night, the Russian government has now clearly admitted: Yeah, we did it! We did it to embarrass the US and elect a clown the President of the United States! Ha...
Read full storyTrump to name Genghis Khan his Secretary of Defense
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Once again turning to retired generals to fill cabinet positions and other posts, President-elect Donald Trump is believed to be close to naming retired General Genghis Khan as his Secretary of Defense. Mr. Trump is said to resp...
Read full storyTrump Enrages Advisor Who Goes On Rampage
A disgruntled, angry and disappointed Trump advisor who expected to be named Secretary of State by him, but wasn't, gave an exclusive interview to this newspaper. He said he perfectly fit the profile of Cabinet members chosen so far. "Like most of...
Read full storyAlleged Kanye West sighting may be flock of Geese
Following his recent breakdown, Kanye West has not been seen nor heard much leading to various conspiracy theories ranging from Kanye being relocated to a secret government facility to the international hip hop star losing his sanity while being ripp...
Read full storyGoldman Sachs to Purchase White House and U.S. Executive Branch in LBO
New York - After several current and former members of investment banking powerhouse Goldman Sachs took over operation of the White House while President Trump tended to his interests in real estate, reality television shows and tweeting, the firm an...
Read full storyTexas Requires Men Who Masturbate To Have Burial Services For ALL Of Thier Unborn Children
In Earth, Texas, 15 year old Jess Mobley is like a lot of teenage boys: he plays sports and likes video games, and like other boys his age, he masturbates a lot and often has wet dreams--but under new "Sanctity of Life" laws already enacted in Texas,...
Read full storyRudolph Refusing To Go Anywhere Near Aleppo
North Pole, Arctic - Rudolph is not apologizing for his recent weekend Twitter rampage, stating that he will not be forced to drop presents off in Aleppo, Syria. Sighting claims that it is far too dangerous to go anywhere near the bombed-out city...
Read full storyMy first day on the job building the "Great Wall of Mexico" in the Rio Grande River is also my last
Well, it didn't take long for Donald Trump to begin building the "Great Wall of Mexico". One hour into his first term of office in which he declared himself DICTATOR FOR LIFE we were shipped off from our humble little shotgun shacks and mobile homes...
Read full storyStarbucks denies anti Christian Holiday theme
Starbucks unveiled its line of holiday cups today and shocked concerned Christians throughout the world. One odd cup features a portrait of Pontius Pilate. When asked why this was chosen at this particular time of year spokesperson Arnold Pudge sai...
Read full storyNASA Releases New Information Regarding Space Probe Sent to Uranus
Today, Dr. J.B. Prescott of the National Aeronautics and Space Agency (NASA), told the world about a project NASA had been working on for the last several years. The project was to gather further information on the size of the rings of uranus and the...
Read full storyTrump Says Warren G. Harding Is His Role Model
Donald Trump said today that his Presidency was being modeled on that of President Warren G. Harding. Trump stated that his cabinet was being filled with "Really greedy, successful millionaires and billionaires that I greatly admire. President Hard...
Read full storyTrump Fires Vice-Presidential Candidate Mike Pence
President-elect Donald Trump, just today, released in a press conference that he was going to replace Pence with a new Vice-Presidential candidate. The press conference was held at Trump Tower in New York City, where he announced that he needed someo...
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