Russia Admits Hacking Into US Voting Machines

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Saturday, 10 December 2016

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"Yes, Russia hacked into election!"

While Donald Trump is still in denial about any Russian collusion into his win on election night, the Russian government has now clearly admitted: Yeah, we did it! We did it to embarrass the US and elect a clown the President of the United States! Ha to you, you capitalist, money grabbing, global-invading, energy consuming swine.

Trump took serious issue with the Russian announcement. Following a five course lunch, Trump tweeted: Russia is clearly in the pocket of the Central Intelligence Agency, Defense Intelligence Agency, Federal Bureau of Investigation, National Geo-spatial-Intelligence Agency, National Reconnaissance Office, National Security Agency, Office of the Director of National Intelligence, the Kenyan and Adolph Hitler.

Adolph Hitler?

President Obama ordered a 'full review' of election hacks, but said the findings may never be made public. Hold that thought…

Trump tweeted: Phooey. Didn't happen. Russians are liars. They're all Democrats. Liars. Sad. These are the same people who got WMD in Iraq wrong.

Wrong. Democrats didn't get WMD wrong. WMD intelligence happened during the Republican Bush administration, under the long reach of Dick Cheney. Charo forget her history?

In very small jurisdictions of the fifty United States of America, the voting results can be changed by manipulating the vote count, a few dozen here and there, spread across a few key states, say like in Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania.

These are the same states Green Party candidate Jill Stein is asking for a recount. Stein is asking not just for a recount, but for the integrity of the election.

California Representative Adam Schiff, a senior-ranking member of the House Intelligence Committee, applauded the Obama investigation into the election, but called for the President to declassify as much of the findings as possible.

Remember: Hold that thought…? President Obama is employed by the taxpayer. The taxpayer pays for Air Force One, the White House, the whole shebang. The United States is not a secret society. U.S. taxpayers are not too fragile to learn the machinations behind the 2016 election. No matter how embarrassing the findings may present. Declassify the findings.

Tweet: Mr. Trump is not a clown!

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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