Written by Jaki Treehorn

Saturday, 10 December 2016

image for Goldman Sachs to Purchase White House and U.S. Executive Branch in LBO
white house

New York - After several current and former members of investment banking powerhouse Goldman Sachs took over operation of the White House while President Trump tended to his interests in real estate, reality television shows and tweeting, the firm announced it had taken the Executive Branch of the U.S. Government private in a leveraged buyout.

"The advantages of this deal and benefits to the taxpayers will become obvious when our company and other Wall Street firms create the next financial crisis", explained Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman.

"During the last crisis in 2008, which we also helped cause, the bailouts and huge fees required by us to put the financial system back together were delayed by President Bush, who didn't understand how the system works. We will be pressing forth with deregulation of financial markets now, so the next crisis will happen sooner than we anticipated."

Terms of the deal were not disclosed, but approval by the Treasury Department and Federal Reserve Board, also owned by Goldman, were expected immediately. Goldman indicated it planned to finance the deal with U.S. Treasury bonds and notes.

In a separate announcement, the Federal Reserve dropped the discount rate to minus 2%, a record low.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: White House




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
52 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more