Woman's Genetic Roots Gnarled With Irish Shame
Dayton OH: Margaret Lypchits just hasn't been the same since her 58th birthday resolution to do a "life make-over". She explains; "I'd been divorced for 8 years. My maiden name is Lypchits which I legally changed it back to around a year ago. My husband left me for a younger thinner woman- just like you'd go do a trade in for a new car. I decided that before 60 I wanted to loose the 130lbs I've be...
Read full storyThe South Rises Again? South Carolina Votes to Leave European Union
Following a hotly contested statewide referendum, South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley sent shock waves through international economies when she announced that South Carolina citizens, by a margin of over eighty-six percent, had voted to secede from t...
Read full storyWith Poll Numbers in Free Fall, Trump, Pence Jump Out of Plane
Grand Teton, Wyoming: Facing a free fall in numerous recent polls, Donald J. Trump and Mike Pence jumped out of an airplane yesterday as a publicity stunt to prove that that they can recover from such a precipitous drop. They survived. It has be...
Read full storyWhite Supremacist Comedians Angered by Fading Asian Accents
Throngs of Neo-Nazis pranksters, sarcastic Skinheads, and comedic KKK members marched on the capitol today demanding a return to the good old days when "A chinaman was a chinaman" as suggested by Pennsylvania Skin head bikers for Jesus president Zeke...
Read full storyResearchers find little difference between Bologna and Hotdogs
A government funded study analyzing the nature of the hot dog and bologna has revealed that they are close cousins, "almost siblings, really" said Dr. Janice Manice, head of Columbia university's dept. of cold cuts and condiments which spearheaded th...
Read full storySeagull Asks Beach-goers to Provide Nutritious Snacks
In a press conference on the shore of Piney Beach NJ Fred the Seagull stood at the podium and implored "I have called this conference to ask people to please be more careful with the food items you bring to the beach, many of us pipers, seagulls, and...
Read full storyPokemon Go Players Killed on Artillery Range
A group of eight geeky university frat house buddies was instantly killed by a single round from an M777 self-propelled howitzer when they ventured onto a firing range at Fort Sill, Oklahoma. "Training accidents are always tragic", read a statemen...
Read full storyTrump Claims Autopsy was Rigged, Blames Clinton
Associated Press, June 18, 2032: Donald Trump today disputed the results of his own autopsy. "I do not suffer from Whinorrhea," he stated. Trump insisted that President Clinton had tampered with the results, and claimed that he had seen televisio...
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