Senator John McCain Advocates Afghanistan As 51st State
Senate Armed Services Committee Chairman John McCain (R-Ariz.) said Thursday he was "pleased" by the Presidents decision to keep 5,500 U.S. troops in Afghanistan after 2016, but pressed for "a surge of 17,000 more boots on the ground for that country...
Read full storyOscars To Be Re-named the Patties
In a controversial move announced today the Oscars are to be re-named the Patties. A spokesman from the Oscars committee made the following announcement. "We were told that a statue of a bare-chested bald man holding a sword between his legs was...
Read full storyManor Park Man Astounded To Encounter Dossers And Whores At The Local ATM
A Manor Park man who wishes to be anonymous, despite everybody knowing him, was stunned to be asked for "a pahnd" by a dosser at the BR station cashpoint on Thursday night at 8pm. He fended this affront off claiming he had no money, neck-punching...
Read full storyMSM outfits name Trump and Sanders winners and call for speeding up 2016 election
A coalition of mainstream news (MSM) corporations has stepped forward to announce that the 2016 candidates for the presidency are already clear, and it's time to move on. The candidates are Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders, and the election can pro...
Read full storyNew Debut Album Sure Fire Hit for Schillings
Fritz Schillings son of Keith Schillings of the Schillings global legal firm that deal with defamation notably of the high and mighty... and who have many celebrities on its books including J.K. Rowling... has begun a career in music. This is a big surprise to those who know him as his penchant for musical expression is a complete mystery to all of them. Nevertheless, Fritz has released a new...
Read full storyChild raised on sexually explicit movies grows up to be sex god
Local teenager Jake Smith is heralded to be outstanding at sex after spending the last ten years of his childhood watching films with strong sexual content. After years of subverting parental controls and sneaking into R-rated films to watch two...
Read full storyNo Sex - We're British!
As the sex allegations against Top People begin to tumble into the gutter our intrepid hack Josh Wanker has been interviewed by the Police at the centre of the Investigations. After the interview Wanker told me 'There's nothing in it. They stopped...
Read full storyClinton Slams Bush: 'Warmongering, Cynical Establishment Career Politician!'
The Dynasty Wars are heating up. Never mind Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Clinton vs Bush is where it's at! Or at least, it's where the money's at, anyways! See the transcript of Clinton's latest semi-public post on the notable TOR website known as Dark Internet Policy Forum: Jeb Bush? Look, I strongly believe in America and in meritocracy. OK? I just can't accept that in America, of all...
Read full storyReggae Star Immortal Cocaine Case; Herb Alpert Occupying Half A Mountain John Lydon Lives On
"Herb" Alpert and Gregory Isaacs are both made entirely out of cocaine - I myself personally saw Gregory Isaac's crew lift Him onto the stage where He glinted among the lights, reflected by the diamond-fillingrettes and filligreed teeth of the attend...
Read full storyThe Sewage and the Sorrow
Bulging and bellicose, Masha Krause is a bit of a curiosity in the town of Statesville N.C. As an amateur bodybuilder she has made a lonely niche for herself among the more reserved and conventional residents. Last summer things got ugly for Masha as an ongoing feud she'd had with her neighbors reached it's tipping point. It all started on the somber autumn day of October 14th last year. "Hog...
Read full storyClinton Declared Winner of 2nd Democratic debate One Month Early: CNNs new model reveals
The field of Democratic presidential hopefuls will face off in their second debate hosted by CBS in one month's time, but thanks to CNN's new predictive model using Bayesian statistics, Markov Chain and a new technique referred to as 'Hyperbole Subte...
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