Senator John McCain Advocates Afghanistan As 51st State

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Friday, 16 October 2015

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Senate Armed Services Committee Chairman John McCain (R-Ariz.) said Thursday he was "pleased" by the Presidents decision to keep 5,500 U.S. troops in Afghanistan after 2016, but pressed for "a surge of 17,000 more boots on the ground for that country in the throws of a civil war.

In addition, McCain pointed out that U.S. wars in Afghanistan and Iraq will end up costing $6 trillion.

"Afghanistan, the longest war in U.S. history, will cost $2.5 trillion by 2017. I want to know what the hell the U.S. is getting out of this," exclaimed the Senator. "The answer is not a damn thing. Iraq is lost; it's a hopeless mess. And the Shite ingrates don't want us there anyway," he said.

McCain continued, "But the current regime loves us in Afghanistan. Now, recently great mineral resources worth billions and billons have been discovered there. So the way to get something out of these wars is to annex Afghanistan to the U.S."

"I, today, am proposing that Afghanistan be admitted to the union as the 51st state. The process is easy. All that need happen is that Congress would direct the President to issue a proclamation certifying the entry of the new state into the United States," Mc Cain stated.

"When it becomes the 51st state, corporate America can come in and reap the financial benefits of the newly found minerals. Look, we've just found out that Afghanistan holds 60 million tons of copper, 2.2 billion tons of iron ore, 1.4 million tons of rare earth elements such as lanthanum, cerium and neodymium, and lodes of aluminum, gold, silver, zinc, mercury and lithium," he explained.

"That ain't Swiss cheese! I can see extraction companies like Farrell-Cooper Mining Company, FL Smith Inc., Kinross Gold, Luminant Mining and financial wizards like the Koch Brothers and the rest of the millionaires and billionaires getting richer and making it to the top 100th of the 1%. That way, damn it, our great country will make these damn wars in the Middle East pay off," said the Arizona Senator.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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