California Raisin wins lawsuit
Today a raisin was handed a terrific victory. Accused of over-shriveling, the raisin known as "Mongo" denied the claim by Mary Higobothman. Mary claims to have bought dark raisins that were of smooth skin. Mary, according to herself, took all t...
Read full story"Titanic" composer dies when house comes loose and hits iceberg
Today's highlights from the funeral log, is James Horner in the number one position. For many of you, his passing will evoke memories of his wonderful music for "Titanic" for which he received an Oscar. Horner lived on the ocean front by a tiny...
Read full storyPhilae Comet Lander transmits pics of International Space Station astronauts taking a slash
Space - A long range camera fixed to the Rosetta craft's Philae Lander has snapped Buzz Aldrin on board the ISS taking a surreptitious dump. NASA's famous spaceman and his pal Neil Armstrong were captured peeing out of the ISS saloon bar porthole...
Read full storyBrian Williams recants his lie about his service record
Today is a momentous day for NBC. Brian Williams, one of our reporters and the anchor of "NBC Nightly News," who lied about his role and experience covering events in the field, and admitted lying, has now admitted that he lied about lying. "It wa...
Read full storyTwitter declares itself mad!
Social media giant, Twitter, has declared itself insane and several white vans driven by men with straight jackets in their hands (difficult that) were seen entering their HQ in Silicone Valley! The reason for this astonishing declaration is obvio...
Read full storyCenk Uygur: Extraordinary, Unprecedented Anti-Corporation Rant (2/2)
The epic continues. Well hey... listen up. I'm gonna make you a deal. I'm not gonna tell you, you can't have that burger. I mean, hey... this is America, it's a free country! Well, technically it's not, but you know what I mean... Well, every time you eat a burger, just remember that the people... Sorry, the evil, unaccountable, impersonal, soulless corporations who eat burgers ar...
Read full storyCenk Uygur: Extraordinary, Unprecedented Anti-Corporation Rant (1/2)
A recent "virulent" rant by Cenk Uygur has gone "viral" on Youtube... Oh, crap. Mere semantics again, isn't it? Anyways, have a look at this transcript. Responses on a snail-card please. Well, yeah, why not? After all highly eloquent and intellectually satisfying responses from Ted Nugent and Sarah Palin have already appeared... So don't be last in the race to the bottom. Still, wh...
Read full storyClimate Change Deniers Deny Denying the Existence of Climate Change
After a non stop barrage of natural disasters has made climate change deniers look like ninnies, several high profile culprits have started changing their tunes. Although, not everyone is ready to completely commit to the problem. Jim DeMint, Pre...
Read full storyFiorina Surges In Polls
Presidential hopeful Carly Fiorina has emerged as the new frontrunner in the race for the republican nomination. Figures from the latest polls show her ahead by at least 69 percentage points. The surge was attributed to a recent change in her campaig...
Read full storySouth Carolina Agrees To Take Down Flags - And Nooses!
Chawlstun, South Carolina - Finally, change is a' brewin' in South Carolina this week, in the wake of the tragic slayings which left nine black church-goers dead at the hands of a young white supremacist. Now, feeling the heat for arguably being the...
Read full storyNew Gun Lover Utopia Opening Now
Another mass shooting happened minutes ago in one of our lovely 50 states and people are reeling; grieving for the victims and calling for stricter gun rules. Your first reaction is to run to your guns and sit on the safe like a paranoid, broody hen-pecking at the mere thought of anyone taking away your collection. You sing lullabies to your AR-15, kiss your Glock G40 goodnight and polish up yo...
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