Drone flies drone
At last we caught a break and one of our military devices worked. As you know, many of our drone operators have become neurotic from the stress of operating drones and wacking the enemy. We find a lot of these drone pilots (or droners, as we call...
Read full storyTo Appear on Paper Money - Elvis, Goofy and Sequoia Trees?
WASHINGTON, DC-In an attempt to honor the diversity of the United States' ethnic groups and to increase paper currency in circulation, the United States Department of the Treasury plans to put portraits of famous Americans on its currency. Taking...
Read full storyBush & Brother In Secret Death Cult
After exhaustive research I have discovered that many prominent American politicians, leaders, and officials belong to a secret society called "Keres." In ancient Greece, violent death was the domain of Thanatos (god of death) and the blood-craving s...
Read full storyBlack Cat Who Successfully Sued Owner For Not Recognizing Him As A White Dog Killed
A black cat named 'Mike', who successfully sued his former owner for not recognizing that he is in fact a white dog trapped inside the wrong body with the wrong colored skin, has died. The law suit, which was filed last week in Fort Lauderdale, Fl...
Read full storyPope makes plea to save the planet by resigning!
Pope Francis has seen the light and decided to be the first one who puts his mouth where his money is or is it the other way round? He has offered to resign and take a huge step to make the world a better place! The Vatican have offered him 2 mill...
Read full storyRachel Dolezal Blasts Caitlyn Jenner for Pretending to Be Someone Else
SPOKANE, WA - Rachel Dolezal lambasted Caitlyn Jenner, previously known as Bruce Jenner, for pretending to be someone else. Dolezal came to media attention when her white parents publicly stated that she is a white woman posing as black NAACP acti...
Read full storyAloof Dog Owner Shakes on Insidious Business Deal with Roxie
Laura Preston of Old Oak, Missouri, had no idea what soul-crushing deal she would be solidifying when she prompted six-year-old retriever, Roxie, for a paw last Friday night. "I always ask Roxie to shake before I take out the dry food," said Prest...
Read full storyDonald Trump Proposes New $1 Billion Dollar Bill
NEW YORK, NY - U.S. Presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, announced today that if elected President, he will direct the U.S. Treasury Secretary to print a new $1,000,000,000 dollar bill. In an effort to streamline the federal government, Trump also...
Read full storyWho should be on the new $3 Dollar Bill?
WASHINGTON, DC -The U.S. Treasury Secretary, Jack Lew, said Wednesday it will introduce a $3 bill with an LGBT community member's portrait, a victory for campaigners who have been pushing for U.S. currency to be more inclusive. The final choice of...
Read full storyThrowing own faeces found out to be number one way to getting served at bar first
Studies at the University of Central Lancashire have found that throwing your own faeces and waste at bar staff is the number one way to getting served first in a bar or restaurant. The research found the tactic, which is employed by some angry...
Read full storyTrump's speech fact checked
On this day, I was assigned the job of fact checking the speech announcing the presidency of Donald Trump (aka The Donald, Donald the Duck, The Mouth.) I went to my desk, as I have one, and began downloading his speech so I could fact check it. As...
Read full storyThe Dark Side of Premium Blenders
Washington DC: The FBI has stated that it will begin to track sales of all premium home blender purchases, but the public will not be inconvinced in any way. Special Agent Martin Hanes stated that, "We're openly letting the public know this for the p...
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