WASHINGTON, DC-In an attempt to honor the diversity of the United States' ethnic groups and to increase paper currency in circulation, the United States Department of the Treasury plans to put portraits of famous Americans on its currency.
Taking a cue from the United States Postal Service's lines of stamps featuring such American icons as Maya Angelou, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Elvis Presley and Frank Sinatra, along with Designer Checks' line of checks featuring such Disney characters as Mickey and Minnie Mouse and Winnie the Pooh, the Treasury's Bureau of Engraving and Printing plans to issue five-, ten-, twenty- and even one-hundred dollar bills with such famous Americans as the King of Rock 'n Roll; ol' Blue Eyes, the Chairman of the Board; Goofy, Donald Duck and a few others, noted Larry Felix, the director of the bureau.
"I can't say all of whom will be represented on the bureau's first issue of currency note," he said, "But I believe I heard that a couple of our engravers were pestered by a un-cooperative road-runner who wouldn't sit still for his portrait for the five-dollar bill. He tended to go 'Beep-beep' and then split. We also had trouble with this green witch who was putting another engraver to sleep with poppies."
Eventually, the bureau's line would extend to non-human scenes. "We're considering Japanese cherry blossoms, such as the ones which bloom near the Jefferson Memorial here every spring-in full color! We'd also like to feature a line of American scenes such as the Grand Canyon, the New York City skyline, Old Faithful geyser, California sequoias, Yosemite Valley and Mount Rushmore," Felix explained. "Wait! Mount Rushmore-that has FOUR presidents. Our department is trying NOT to honor any more white male statesmen or white male deceased leaders-at least for the time being."
The bureau is also considering selling portrait rights to anyone who wants to have themselves or their loved ones represented on paper money, Felix said. "We've already gotten inquiries from Donald Trump, Hillary and Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, Barbra Streisand, Cher, Rush Limbaugh, Bill Gates, Alec Baldwin, Lindsay Lohan, Mitt Romney, the Kardashians and the stars of the Desperate Housewives TV shows," Felix stated. "Hey, it doesn't matter if they're famous or infamous. If they've got the money, we'll take it. Besides it'll help prevent any budget deficit for years to come.
"After all, doesn't everyone want to be famous?"
