Obama and Kanye 'one hell of a father-son double act' says NYC DNA test
New York - Barack Obama has been outed as Kanye West's birth father in a DNA test published today. Findings from New York's Seedy Sign Eye Mammorial Hospital's paternity division reveal Kanye's actual father is the President. And the rapper's...
Read full story"Earth is No Longer A Planet!" Announce Scientists
Science Town, USA In a surprising announcement, Bulgarian scientists have shown that based on their latest calculations, Earth no longer qualified as a full planet and would have to be downgraded to a dwarf planet. Response from around Earth was...
Read full storyRoyal Family Mad at Prince Henry for Giving Marijuana to Prince Charles
Windsor Castle The Royal Family are having a battle royal since discovering Prince Henry gave Prince Charles some marijuana. "If you thought he was boring before, you should here him now. If he gets started on the philosophy of gardening, he can g...
Read full storyAllison Williams: "My Dad Did Not Lie - Have More Respect For The Man Who Invented Dinosaurs"
Allison Williams has spoken out in defense of her NBC Nightly News anchor dad Brian Williams who has been suspended from work without pay for being a liar. During a Q&A with Seth Meyers at New York's 92Y, the Peter Pan actress spoke out about...
Read full storyRussian submarine spotted off the Duchess of Cornwall
International Waters, The Lizard - A rogue submatine thought to be under the command of Captain Marko Ramius has been sighted off Camilla's private quarters a royal protection racket source said today. The Red Oktober, a Yeltsin-class submersible...
Read full storyKrusty Kremepie was "just klowning around" with KKK kampaign
Krusty Kremepie Klub spells "KKK." It also spells BIG TROUBLE for the doughnuts franchise. A Krusty Kremepie location in the United Kingdom (aka Great Britain, aka the British Isles, aka England) has halted a "promotion" for its Krusty Kremepie...
Read full storyLong lost paternity papers reveal Dallas actress Victoria Principal's meteoric rise to stardom
Los Angeles - Decades of suspected hush-hush Hollywood string-pulling have been exposed in a new book exploring Victoria Principal's awesome acting talents. Including studio machinations that secured her the plum role of Pammy. Biographer Arlen...
Read full storyTen Tips for a Healthy and Happy Life
Magazine UR-FKD's Health & Fitness Section has listed the following tips for a healthy mind in a healthy body. Several food chains and media outlets are threatening to sue the editor. 1. Understand the world is run by crooked, greedy people who think they are 'superior' to you and because the are 'superior' to you they actually own the world and everything in it... including you. You and yo...
Read full storyUnprecedented Vatican Scandal: German Infidel Canonised
A scandalous leaked document from the Vatican highlights an utterly disgraceful and absolutely unbelievable lapse of judgment on the part of top Church authorities, which will almost certainly make the Church's reputation plummet to unprecedented dep...
Read full storyHaving A Truly Gigantic Cock Correlates Strongly With Low Life Time Earnings, Study Finds
It turns out that having a massive penis is not the umitigated blessing most men aged 8 through 80 think it to be. Though it may boost mightily one's self-esteem, a recent research study says it can be quite hard on the pocketbook. In a paper tit...
Read full storyMaximus to be awarded £500 million marriage contract
The Prime Minister David Cameron has announced that marriages and civil partnership ceremonies are to be privatized if the Tories are reelected, with US Healthcare corporation Maximus being awarded a £500 million annual contract to oversee all marria...
Read full storyFlorida beach "the best," Beachcombers agree
It's not the location. Or the beautiful white sands. Or the ice-blue water. Or the spectacular, pristine scenery. It's not even the hospitable locals. Siesta Beach near Sarasota, Florida, has been named The Best Beach in America by Beachcombers, a...
Read full storyObummer definitely NOT seeing "Red"
Mars One wants to send two dozen people to Mars, and Peter Felgentreff, 50, may well be one of them. For as long as he can remember, he's been "curious" about science, he gushes. His curiosity about what it would be like to live on Mars motivat...
Read full storyCameron tells jobless "Wear blindfolds in supermarkets or lose benefits."
The Prime Minister has announced plans to introduce the wearing of blindfolds in supermarkets for all benefit claimants which will be introduced of the Tories win the next General Election in May. The new requirement will apply to anyone claiming...
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