California weasels outbreak linked to the Philippines
Los Angeles - Thousands of people have been left sickened following an outbreak of weasels at a Disneyland resort. Doctors treating the ugly pandemic say a virus strain from the Philippines is a damn good scapegoat considering the dearth of other...
Read full storyPresident Obama To Smite Terrorists And Bill O'Really With Golf Clubs
In response to mounting criticism both at home and abroad President Obama told White House staffers this morning that he fully intends to do a full Samuel L Jackson on terrorism 'in any shape or form, any place in the world' - including Faux News's B...
Read full storyObama says Right Wing Congress Would Not Pass Citizenship Exam
President Obama gave the following address today: I would be willing to wager any amount with any member of the Tea Party that they could not pass the test given to immigrants desiring American citizenship. If flag waving Bible Belting assholes like Ted Cruz or Mike Huckleberry or Ted Cruz or Rick Perry can pass this test i will kiss their fat ignorant asses!" Here's a self-test for YOU t...
Read full storyGrill Buried Alive! Class Action Suit Puts Homeowners on Ice!
Snow-covered patio furniture took their complaints to the New Hampshire State Supreme Court after being buried for weeks under excessive snow banks. Patio Furniture Reps report that New England's extreme subarctic temperatures and record-breaking...
Read full storyChelsea racist hooligans show their true colour, and it aint blue!
Star CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) international soccer reporter, Messieur Wee Wee Black-Cockadoodle, crawled out of the metro underground and observed the following. Racist hooligan football yobs refused entry to a black gentleman attempting...
Read full storyMonsanto: 'Chips' With That... Anyone?
MONSANTO- responsible for Agent Orange, a deadly range of organ-damaging pesticides and genetically modified crops resulting in thousands of people crippled or killed by their products and the suicides of thousands of farmers worldwide (most in the p...
Read full storyA.C. Grayling's Ungodly War On Children's Toys
Most people would surely think there's nothing wrong with kids playing with fuzzy puppies, rabbits, giraffes, and all kinds of animals, and that it's all very innocent. But not everyone from the "notable public figure community" agrees. Yes: renowned postmodernist cultural critic/secular humanist deconstructionist/ atheist fundamentalist A. C. Grayling is concerned that not all cuddly toys...
Read full storyIain Duncan Smith says that anyone healthy enough to claim benefits doesn't need benefits
Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Iain Duncan Smith has outlined a new philosophy on benefit claimants while talking to the BBC, suggesting that anyone well enough to claim benefits probably doesn't need them. Speaking of people with mental...
Read full storyThe sayings and proverbs of Nate John Won
* Eager to possess a pair of trendy newsprint pants? Then invest in a trouser press. * Bah! Hircine thieves! They really get my goat! * Beware the Ides of March (and the 'orns of April). * Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, if you want hot pants. * Practice makes perfict Practice makes perficked Practice makes perfect * On the first day of Christmas my true love s...
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