Sarah Palin Denies Family Was Involved In a Drunken Brawl
Wasilla, Alaska Former Alaska governor and Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin denied reports that her whole family was involved in a drunken brawl over the weekend; a brawl that the police had to be called in to break up. "My whole...
Read full storyDC footballers change their logo to keep their name
Washington DC -- Under fire for long harboring a racially inappropriate team identity, this city's NFL franchise has changed its logo from the silhouette of a Native American warrior to the image of a potato. "This should make everybody happy," a...
Read full storyCIA cryptographers reveal Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi's botched sex change op
Langley, VA - Specialist code breakers at USA's Spook Central have uncovered what might be the complex psychological reason behind Islamic State Caliph's psychotic rants. They say Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi was born with two sets of genitals - one male,...
Read full storyBush Disputes Hitler Comparison; Says Cheney With A Little Mustache Would Fit The Bill
DALLAS -- Former president George W. Bush is confused as to why a middle school teacher asked his students to make comparisons between Bush and Adolf Hitler, noting that former vice president Dick Cheney is much more of a modern-day political tyrant,...
Read full storyNationally Syndicated Life Coach Throws in the Towel
PORTLAND, OR-- Vitalia Effervesce, nationally known Life Coach and host of the daily advice show Shine On You, committed suicide Monday by downing a bottle of Xanax washed down with a fifth of Jim Beam. Effervesce, author of the New Age bible Let...
Read full storyBig tobacco behind 9-11?
Thirteen years and one day after the September 11th attacks, a new report has risen suggesting that the tobacco companies may have been behind the attacks in an effort to get more people smoking. According to a former executive, who would only release the classified information upon anonymity, it was not al-Qaeda behind the hijackings and crashing of three airliners on September 11th, 2001, bu...
Read full storyScottish Vote - North Of England Plead "Please Don't Leave Us With This Bloody Lot"
The North of England is said to be inconsolable after polls have indicated that Scotland will be leaving them. A spokesperson for Northern England told our reporter this morning "England will be a funny shape, has no-one thought of that? Also a f...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Rear Ends Dick Cheney
Washington, DC Canadian citizen Justin Bieber risked starting an international incident when he was driving his Ferrari and failed to stop in time to avoid hitting the rear of the Rolls Royce in front of him. The Rolls Royce was carrying ex-Vice-Pres...
Read full storyRoger Goodell Steps Down; Interim Commissioner Ray Lewis to Let Ray Rice Play on Sunday
In a move that surprised no one but the world's biggest misogynists, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell resigned from his duties on Thursday afternoon. In a hastily called press conference, a tearful Goodell said he no longer felt he could make the b...
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