Written by Auntie Jean

Friday, 12 September 2014

image for Scottish Vote - North Of England Plead "Please Don't Leave Us With This Bloody Lot"
This bloody lot

The North of England is said to be inconsolable after polls have indicated that Scotland will be leaving them.

A spokesperson for Northern England told our reporter this morning "England will be a funny shape, has no-one thought of that? Also a few years ago after that Thatcher thing when Scotland decided it had had enough of the Conservatives, they all upped sticks and squatted here in Musselburgh. The place is full of fucking Hooray Henrys".

Weeping men and women were this morning trying to console themselves after it dawned on them that this may be a permanent split. Suggestions that the North of England should go on a speed dating evening to try to find another partner were being taken seriously.

Reports of a probable messy divorce were circulating among red top newspapers yesterday, quoting that Scotsmen snored a lot and could be heard as far away as North Tyneside. Scottish people counter claimed that English people didn't know how to drink and swear properly, their food was not fatty enough and they smoked weird electric things.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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