"National Railway Replacement Bus Service Day" to honour Bob Crow
In a move demonstrated to have more animation than the average commuter on a London Tube strike day, the Rail Maritime and Transport Union have presented a petition to Downing Street to declare the 27th of December "National Railway Replacement Bus S...
Read full storyEdward Snowden roundhouse kicks his way out of US embassy
The hall of the US embassy in Beijing is littered with bruised bodies. A vase lies smashed on the floor, accompanied by the faint sound of US CIA agents groaning in pain and holding their stomachs. This is the aftermath of a daring escape from whistl...
Read full storyDonald Trump, 67, Still Not Dead
American business magnate, investor, television personality and author, Donald Trump, did not die today at the age of 67, numerous news outlets had not reported. The chairman and president of The Trump Organization and the founder of Trump Entertainm...
Read full storyNoel Edmonds 'as bad as' Jeremy Kyle
Noel Edmonds has been described as a hopeless nacissist and financial bandit in his bid to buy up auntie Beeb at a knock down price. Bosses at the BBC have confirmed interest from Edmonds and a maverick team of misfits in pursuit of the corporatio...
Read full storyBook Review - The Runaway Jury by John Grisham
Based on the movie me thinks, of the same name, starring John Cusack, Rachel Weisz and Gene Hackman, directed by Gary Fleder. This isn't the first time Grisham has stolen ideas from movies, then passed them off as 'original novels'. The Firm, The Client, A Time to Killer, all ripped from the big screen. Is it me? Has no one else noticed? I think it is now high time that Grisham focus...
Read full storyMalaysia Airline Flight 370 - Are Aliens Involved? Time Travel? 9/11?
Investigators, still stumped by the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 have turned to conspiracy theorists in the hope of solving the ever increasing mystery surrounding the events of the vanishing aircraft. One theory, proposed by Alan...
Read full storyMissing airliner finally found intact
A spokesman for the Malasian aviation authority proudly announced that the missing airliner MH370 was found this morning after a night watchman noticed a strange smell coming from a locked hangar. When the hanger was opened by airport police the m...
Read full storyIsrael builds National Center for Ancient Artefucts
Jerusalem - Stuffed in a narrow space between the Mound of Olives and the Bob Marley Wailing Wall a new glass and steel erection is springing up to accommodate loads of ancient Jewish tat. Two million Old Testament-era artefucts including the worl...
Read full storyFox Series "Cosmos" Host Tyson Under Attack
The new Fox Cosmos series, hosted by the now-familiar-to-TV-watchers Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, has upset anti-science conservative Christians. Besides being enraged by Tyson's statement that "the theory of evolution, like the theory of gravity, is a...
Read full storyRussia Calls For U.N. Sanctions Against Hydrogen for Occupation of Oxygen
(New York) - Russia called for an emergency meeting of the U.N. Security Counsel over the weekend to discuss what Russia is calling "the unprovoked, illegal and unwarranted occupation of Oxygen by Hydrogen forces." According to Russia's Permanent...
Read full storyYou'll Never Guess Who Said And Advocated This
Whose policies and ideas are these? 1) A policy of effectively withholding relief to the poor and allowing market forces to take their course. 2) The idea that government charity will upset the free market and be an interference with free enter...
Read full storyApple Fixes Driving
Apple, the tech innovator responsible for the iPhone, iPad, and iTunes, is raising the bar once again. Earlier today Apple spokesperson George Weller announced the release of the company's next big thing, iDrive, the groundbreaking app that is expected to wring the last few precious dollars from the tight fists of America's consumers. "We're very excited about this product, which solves some...
Read full story"Understanding" Commuters tell train driver not to apologise about delays
Train driver Mohammad O'Toole expressed his relief today and praised the commuters on the 8.13am to Birmingham New Street train for being so understanding after he announced delays would mean they would get in 30 minutes late to their destination.
Read full storyParis Hilton & Stephen Hawking Discuss The String Theory
Paris Hilton: Every time I put on one of my string bikinis and walk out on the beach, I draw a pretty good crowd so I think that the string theory is magnetic in nature. Stephen Hawking: Over the past few decades, a single explanatory framework, now called the "string theory", has emerged that may turn out to be the ultimate theory of the universe. Many physicists believe that, at the beginnin...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Twerk Wrecks Bus!
Although she is denying it, those slightly injured on a city bus are blaming Kim Kardashian taking up a guy's dare to 'twerk that baby' of destabilizing the bus and causing it to run into a post near some pedestrians. Kardashian denies all this.
Read full storyFuture Movies Will Be Four-In-One!
People who are experts at predicting the future in movies say that the typical movie in the years beginning in 2020 will have four different movies in one. "Because of our nation's short attention span, we are 95% sure that there will be four 30-3...
Read full storyCrime Stoppers director bites
MY AM ME, WHO YOU BE, FL -- Your identity may not be safe from the National Security Agency (NSA) or on the Obummercare web site, but it's secure with the Miami-Dade Crime Stoppers, the executive director of which recently took a bite out of crime wh...
Read full storyDidier Drogba Reveals Sensational Secret He Learned at Galatasaray
Didier Drogba has tonight revealed a sensational secret that could explain his recent success at Galatasaray. He said that he has learned that success on the football pitch is not about training, and it is not about teamwork, it is, apparently, all...
Read full storyAre You On Facebook?
If I had to pick one question that sums up the past six years of society on Planet Earth, this would be it. I am asked it on a weekly basis by various people, sometimes by the same people who asked me the same question the previous month. In fact, I'm not actually sure how I should take this repeated questioning. Is it out of pure fucking amazement that I'm one of the few remaining who does...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars Kicks Off Season 18 With A New Co-Host
HOLLYWOOD - Dancing With The Stars has a brand new co-host, Erin Andrews who is trained as a sports reporter. Erin who at 5'10" towers over everyone, including all of the male dancers, replaced Brooke Burke-Charvet because as the producers put it,...
Read full storyWhat's With All of These GOP Tattoos?
ATLANTA - CNN is reporting that several political news magazines are spotlighting an interesting situation which involves several Republican politicians. CNN stated that American Spotlight Magazine remarked that an inside source has revealed that...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Confesses Who Her Twerking Fantasy Is
DETROIT - Miley performed at The Carburetor Coliseum in Detroit and afterwards she met with Hollywood Innuendo's Fajita San Guacamole at a local Le Loins of Joan of Arc French Restaurant. Miss San Guacamole asked Miley about the rumor that she had...
Read full storyThe Weather Channel's Jim Cantore Calls California News Anchors Wusses For Diving Underneath Their Desks During A Mild Earthquake
LOS ANGELES - The Weather Channel's pride and joy Meteorologist Jim Cantore was in L.A. doing a story on mudslides when he was asked about the recent earthquakes that have been hitting Tinsel Town. Cantore took a swig from his Hercules VII Protein...
Read full storyIs Dancing With The Stars' Mark Ballas Hiding A Woodchuck Underneath His Humongous Hairdo
HOLLYWOOD - Mark Ballas started season 18 of Dancing With The Stars with a big bang. The pro dancer who is paired with Candace Cameron Bure who appeared in the TV series Full House, took second place with 25 points out of a possible 30. Bruno "...
Read full storyCondoleezza Rice Hits The Nail On Her Head With Her Comment About Sarah Palin
BIRMINGHAM, Alabama - Condoleezza Rice recently spoke with Tabitha Tula Wishywater of GOPicky Magazine. She was asked if she felt that Sarah Palin would make a good presidential candidate. Rice shook her head and replied that she would not want...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Reveals Her Favorite Dish
HOLLYWOOD - Kirstie Alley made an appearance on The Gorgeous Gary Busey Show. She was asked about her Cheers days. Alley replied that she liked those times except for all of the sitting around between takes. She said that as a result of all of...
Read full storyPresident Obama Says Shame On The Producers of Dancing With The Stars For Allowing 77-Year-Old Billy Dee Williams To Appear On The Show
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama and the first lady both watched season 18's opening show of Dancing With The Stars. Afterwards the first couple spoke with Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors in the White House Oval Office. The president said that h...
Read full storyMany of "The Most Gullible Generation" Dying Off
MUDCAT, TN--Gabby Mae Fester, a longtime FOX News viewer and a member of what media analyst Howard Kurtz calls "The Most Gullible Generation," died today in her home in Mudcat, TN. She was 105. Miss Fester was apparently sitting in her home watc...
Read full storySlimmer Kirstie Alley Spotted at Paint Store
We tried to get close to her but there were so many cameramen present that we finally pushed ours forward to get some shots. Finally I yelled, "You look great! You look sexy!" She was all smiles and maybe that's why she gave me a few words on h...
Read full storyBig Bang Theory Fires Old Cast After Argument With Chuck Lorre
Hollywood, CA. Chuck Lorre, creator of Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory apparently likes to shake things up with the TV shows he produces. His popular show Two and a Half Men has lost one and a half men and replaced them with new actors...
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