Jennifer Lawrence Blames Latest Accident on Astronomers!
Jennifer Lawrence, one of the most beautiful women today, has had three falls lately, none of them serious, but she blames it all on "Those stupid scientists and astronomers." "I've had a great career and I'm just getting started when I began trip...
Read full storyStill Hypnotized Woman Falls Off Chicken Truck
Abigail Smithers of Washington County, Arkansas apparently will recover from several broken ribs, broken right leg, three toes on the right foot and a fresh-laid dog turd tangled up in her hair after falling off a chicken truck headed for a Purdue Fa...
Read full storyGoogle: YOU are the company's next-gen technology
SILICONE VALLEY, CA -- Trying to recover from consumers' backlash concerning the computer giant's threat to replace human beings with robots by 2030, Google has released 8,000 of its prototypical wearable Glass, a system resembling eyeglasses that ca...
Read full storySome Inner City Youth Go To Fukushima
The U.S. unemployment rate fell to 7.7 percent in early 2014. That's rather high, but it's nothing compared to what black teens are grappling with: an unemployment rate that grew to 43.1 percent. Of course the rate is even worse for inner city black...
Read full storyMan eats his own finger
A 40-year-old man had to have hospital treatment after he ate his own finger. Ivor Wonmissin, from Gateshead, was poking about trying to pick out bits of meat that had got stuck in his teeth after his meal, when he accidentally bit into his index...
Read full storyMississippi Judge Accused of Misapplying 3-Strikes Statutes
Whitecracker, MS (Reuters) - A Caucasian judge in rural Mississippi, who is also a volunteer pee-wee baseball league umpire, has been accused of over-stepping his judicial bounds by sentencing Black and Hispanic pee-weers who have have gone down swi...
Read full storyCrooked Crosses and Cozy Charismatic County Councils
There was much shouting and angry frothing fervour this week, following the sudden discovery of a design feature on the Essex County Council building. Built in the 1939 the county council building has a motif of what look like Hakenkreuz, or "swas...
Read full storyMick Jagger's 19th Nervous Breakdown revisited as cops probe L'Wren Scott 'suicide'
Manhattan, NYC - Born in Utah as Luann Bambrough, the forty-something squeeze of Rolling Stones singer Mick Jagger towered over her rock star boyfriend and even succumbed to wearing 'flats' so as not to overshadow him in public. This morning she...
Read full storyThe Los Angeles Lakers Are Considering Laying Off Half of Their Cheerleaders
LOS ANGELES - The owners of the Los Angeles Lakers are really catching it from the Lakers fans who are fed up with the team losing, losing, and losing. The boys in purple and gold presently have a very dismal 22-44 record (worst in the entire NBA)...
Read full storyStrange and Unexplained Phenomena Reported by Metro Area Youth
Are the dead rising from local cemeteries and terrorizing our local youth population? You could come to that conclusion after speaking with several local young people who have reported not only "ghostly" and unexplained phenomena, but a steady inc...
Read full storyBoy alleges Michael Jackson stole his skateboard
A Young Boy has made an allegation against the late King of Pop, that he was pushed off his skateboard and had it stolen by the late singer back in 2008. Bart Simpson spoke out against the singer after claiming the silence had to broken after all...
Read full storyThe hollow sound reverberating from Washington leads on toward "ripostes" and "new language fusillades" plus Senator McCain contest over Ukraine
Empire and consistency don't always mix when Empire is particularly annoyed at being one-upped. This insight was delivered from somebody anonymous in an anonymous Washington office commenting on current developments in Ukraine. Very few murmurs...
Read full storyExtra cargo plane hired for Michelle Obama's China trip wardrobe
Washington - An upgraded C-5M Super Galaxy heavy cargo plane normally used for transporting herds of wild cattle in far-flung foreign locations has been kitted out for the US First Lady's upcoming China visit. Lockheed's famous carrier will trans...
Read full storyNoël and Liam Gallagher deny crude plot as US Navy Seals capture Morning Glory tanker
Tripoli, Libya - Former Oasis band members Noël and Liam Gallagher have denied plotting to smuggle 234,000 barrels of Libyan oil in the North Korean-registered Morning Glory out of the As-Sidra terminal last week. Described by a US Navy Seals boar...
Read full storyRoyal Script Writer Sacked - Prince Philip Speechless
Prince Philip had no comment to make today after his script writer, Arthur Askie was sacked for making a grossly unacceptable gesture while prompting the Duke as he was uncovering a bust at a conceptual art exhibition at the Tate Modern. Former...
Read full storyThe San Antonio Spurs Beat The Utah Jazz For Their 10th Victory In A Row
SAN ANTONIO - Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich said that it was just another day at the office as the guys in silver and black defeated the Utah Jazz 122-104. Tony Parker (#9) who hails from France scored 18 points and said that it was like eating a Fre...
Read full storyDonald Trump Hints That He May Run For President In 2016
NEW YORK CITY - Donald Trump is one individual who cannot stand to not see his name or face in the newspapers. Michelle Obama has called him one of the most conceited, pompously egotistical persons in the entire country; and that includes Bill "Th...
Read full storyCar Maker Recalls 13,000 Pickup Trucks
YOKOHAMA, Japan - Reports coming from the home office of one of the world's largest automakers is that Japanese manufacture Missan is sending out 13,000 recall notices. The recall notices were sent out due to the fact that 13,000 2014 Missan Coman...
Read full storyPortugal and Peru Vow To Support The Ukraine If Russia Invades
KIEV, Ukraine - The Ukraine has just sent word to the governments of Portugal and Peru thanking them for their fabulous offer of support should they be invaded by Russia. A spokesperson for the Ukraine, Chertov Zappavitski, stated that at serious...
Read full storyArizona Governor Jan Brewer Comments That She May Still Sign An Anti-Gay Shoppers Bill
PHOENIX - Governor Jan Brewer has already said that she will not be seeking a third term as governor of the Desert State of Arizona. She told a group of assembled reporters in the parking lot of a Captain Cluckity Cluck Clucks Chicken Shack that h...
Read full storyPope Francis Says He'll Allow Same-Sex Marriages But Only If The Couple Donates $1,000 To The Church
VATICAN CITY - Italy's El Vino News Agency is reporting that Pope Francis in an effort to reach a type of middle ground has made a new ruling on the same-sex marriage controversy. The pope speaking in the parking lot of a local Pompous Pizza Parlo...
Read full storyMexico Informs Russia That It Is Ending Its Monthly Shipment of Tamales
MEXICO CITY - The government of Mexico has just sent a message to Russian President Putin that effective immediately it will no longer provide it with its monthly shipment of 37,000 dozen tamales. President Nacho Winslow stated that he cannot trad...
Read full storySarah Palin The Geographical Gaffer Strikes Again!
FAIRBANKS, Alaska - Sarah Palin was in Fairbanks speaking at a convention of the Retired Salmon Catchers of Alaska. After the speaking engagement she was asked by a writer for Political Salad Bar Magazine about the unusually cold winter weather th...
Read full storyJohn Mayer and Kristen Stewart Spotted Engaged In A Bit of Tongue Hockey At The La Brea Tar Pits
LA BREA - Well by all accounts it certainly looks like it did not take John "The Player" Mayer long to get over his breakup with Katy "Tatas" Perry. A source revealed to Bedroom Pillow Talk that Mayer and Kristen Stewart were seen in Mayer's BMW r...
Read full storySyrian Best Hotel Loses 2 Stars After Bombing
SYRIA- The tragedy continued in Syria yesterday as another round of bombings shook the desert landscape and killed thousands. None suffered more though than the Aleppo Best Hotel which was filleted at the hands of Hotel critic Lars Batchem. "The...
Read full storyBernie Madoff Mad at Favorite Prison Recreation, Stupid Washington
After our reporters went to interview a couple of guys whose DNA proved them to be innocent of a sex crime after spending 12 years in jail, they were told that Bernie Madoff, the guy who stole millions off trusting clients, wanted to see them. "Bernie looked a lot older but he had fire in his eyes." He greeted us and then went right into a rant that while he, Bernie Madoff, was spending hard...
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