Strange and Unexplained Phenomena Reported by Metro Area Youth

Funny story written by Catchthisdrift

Monday, 17 March 2014


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Are the dead rising from local cemeteries and terrorizing our local youth population?

You could come to that conclusion after speaking with several local young people who have reported not only "ghostly" and unexplained phenomena, but a steady increase in such activity.

The phenomena include people vanishing and then reappearing right in front of the eyes of onlookers. Also, the youth say they have been terrorized by what they believed to be soft and cuddly inanimate creatures but which suddenly floated above the ground and - according to one of the victims - "swirled and danced right into my face." That victim as well as most of the other victims of the animal attacks reported an eerie and often high-pitched voice saying things such as "here comes the kitty" or inarticulate phrases such as "zschoooooom zschooooom" and very audible, and often spitty, raspberries.

Fourteen month old Andrea (Anniwuvwuv as she's know to her family) said that while the cow's dancing wasn't too bad and was not particularly frightening, the chaotic twisting and flapping of the octopus "scared the shit out of me. Literally. I shit myself." Fortunately for Andrea, her mother was nearby. "She rescued me! I love my mommy! She threw that mean octopus on the ground and said 'who made a stinky? Who made a little stinky? You did, you did my Anniwuvwuv." According to Andrea, that always makes her feel better.

The reports of vanishing and then reappearing people are widespread and are not confined to people well known to the observer. One of the youths, 18 month old Wittle Man said that recently on an airplane ride he took with him mommy to see Nana, the man in the seat next to him repeatedly appeared and then disappeared as a staccato "peak uh boo" or sometimes just "boo" seemed to rise from the very fabric of his soul.

Police are continuing their investigation. At this point, they have been unwilling to positively link these current incidents with the continuing flood of reports of noses being suddenly and violently ripped from the owner's face, the owner being taunted by the apparent thief, and then the nose being reattached.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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