Chimps Beat a Path to Doors of Law Schools
No monkeying around! Now that they are pressing for the right to sue, a number of chimps have decided to go to law school. One chimp points out, "The proceeds of successful lawsuits should stay within the species. Why should we let bossy humans...
Read full storyThe curious case of Obama's blacked-up eyebrows
Washington - White House stylists have been accused of heavy-handed use of the cosmetic eyebrow pencil creating a glaring mismatch with the ever-greying Presidential thatch. Obama's thinning, greying curls have seen aides plead with the Prez to le...
Read full storyPolls don't tell us anything
According to a recent poll conducted by the Polish Polling organisation, Dollop, the British public do not believe polls can tell us anything about the nation's thoughts. "Polls are," said Dollop Pole, Polly Pauls, "largely useless. Apparently."...
Read full storyMPs to be put on Zero Hour Contracts
Labour Liverpool councillor, Bobby Davro, has called for all Members of Parliament to be put on zero hour contracts. "The current ConDem coalition has not only allowed, but actively encouraged the use of zero hour contracts across the country," sa...
Read full storyGunfight at Open Carry Corral (Or, "A Good Guy with a Gun")
SAN ANTONIA, TX--A gunfight today broke out between the leader of the Open-Carry Movement, Tex "Small Sack" O'Laury, and the CEO of the National Rifle Association, Wayne "Wacko" LaPierre. The gunfight erupted after a spokesperson for the NRA called…
Read full storyCovert "Girl Detector" Discovered In Windows Operating Systems
Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation was on the defensive today after an independent software research group released its findings that Microsoft's Windows operating systems contain a hidden 'girl detector.' The existence of the girl detector confi...
Read full storyThose Not Being Held Captive Say Prisoner Deal Bad Idea; Soldier Should Have Fought His Way Out, Like Chuck Norris
THE HORROR, THE HORROR, OHIO VALLEY -- Some area residents NOT BEING HELD CAPTIVE by The Taliban said the United States made a bad decision in arranging a prisoner exchange to free a U.S. soldier who WAS BEING HELD CAPTIVE by The Taliban. "He shou...
Read full storyFair Play Dead: Women's Curling Team Fail Drugs Test
Fair play has officially taken its final breath and soiled its pants as the entire Canadian curling team had their Winter Olympics Gold medals revoked this morning, after testing positive for steroid abuse amongst other banned substances. Drug use...
Read full storyFootball chiefs unveil bold new plans
Chiefs unveiled their bold new plans for the football organization's future today at their official headquarters in Switzerland. Sepp Splatter, part-time Jabba the Hut impersonator and full time politician, announced to an astonished media that plans...
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