Man Loses Hands
Peter has lost his hands and needs help finding them! He has offered some thing or another for the return of the hands but we don't know for sure because the reward notice he's been sticking to lampposts with his head are completely indecipherable. T...
Read full storyMan Leaves The Pool
Earnest Horn (man) went swimming in his local swimming baths in June 2010 for no real raisin. Most people would think that four years is just too long to be swimming in the pool but he said that 'Oh no that's fine'' and today was the perfect time for...
Read full storyHope Solo, US Women's Soccer Goalie, Can't Stop Slapping Things Down
Seattle - Hope Solo, the hot goalie and star of the Team USA Soccer team, is used to swatting things away. Everything from soccer balls to guys constantly hitting on her. But now it looks like the beauty might be taking her work home with her...
Read full story'Dave' Cameron Unveils 'Tough But Fair' Plan To Exterminate Poor and Vulnerable People
London. The prime minister David Cameron today announced that he would not rule out resorting to death squads in an effort to "make poverty history". 'Tough but fair' measures will be introduced if the Tories are returned to power after the next elec...
Read full storyUN: "USA refugee figure passes 150 million for first time"
NEW YORK, NY - UN spokesperson, Lotta Boolsheet, issued a report today stating that the number of US citizens forced to leave their homes has exceeded 150 million for the first time since Jimmy Carter was president. 60 percent the USA's refugees a...
Read full storyStar Trek Captain Picard Taken Over by Bjorn Borg
Captain Jean Luc Picard has been assimilated into the Borg while watching a Tennis Tutorial DVD. Bjorn Borg alias 3 of 5 has changed the DNA of Captain Picard by sinister reverse incantations on his "Learn Tennis With The Borg" DVD. One of the fac...
Read full storyBBC Three Controller Zai Bennett "Broken"
BBC Three's controller Zai Bennett could be replaced as early as next week as insiders are saying that he is yet to fully mentally recover after watching a full episode of Sweat The Small Stuff. Since watching the episode Mr Bennett has given the...
Read full storyJeremiah Hunt Declares Everything In The History Of The World Is Previous Government's Fault
On Sky News' all day breakfast show, Health Secretary Jeremiah Hunt sensationally claimed that the Tories invented the National Health Service and the idea of children working 12 hour shifts down coal mines. The previous Government were responsible f...
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