New Generation Of Super Fast Quantum Optic Computer Chip PCs Available In Time For Xmas
New super fast technology based on optical quantum principles has been used to make the Octahedral processor chips in the new faster than light computers which will be available for Xmas. A spokesperson for Microhard told our reporter. "The computer...
Read full storyMylie Cyrus Cancels Gaza Strip Tour
Pop Slut Superstar Mylie Cyrus posted on her Facebook page today that she is cancelling her upcoming Gaza Strip concert tour due to the escalating "war and stuff" in the region. "I know my fans in Gaza will be really heartbroken that I'm not comin...
Read full storyFirst Lady Wants to Hire Nuns to Discipline Unhealthy Shoppers
San Francisco - First Lady Michelle Obama has unveiled her latest plans for getting the nation to adopt her healthy eating guidelines and this one might hurt a bit. After tackling the country's school lunch program and transforming it into a train...
Read full storyScotsmen Freezing After Updating To O.S. 12 "Prairie Dog"
Apple MacPherson have uploaded a fix for O.S. 12 "Prairie Dog" which appears to be causing Scotsmen to "freeze" and require cold reboots. Apple MacPherson have denied any problems are linked to its new operating system and claim the new download is...
Read full storyStatue of Liberty to be replaced with new structure that looks like a New York police officer
Spearheaded by Senator John McCain, a new bipartisan movement inside the Congress is working toward tearing down and replacing the Statue of Liberty. So far no one in the government has raised any objections, with the President himself saying, "We...
Read full storyBagpipes With Tyre Inflator Attachment Tested By Ice Road Truck Companies
The best thing since sliced bread was unveiled today at a Franchise Exhibition in Chicago. An attachment the size of a USB pen drive which slots into the mouthpiece of a set of bagpipes has put an end to potential roadside flat tyre misery. The...
Read full storyPope tells Russian Orthodox Patriarch he's going to hell over Malaysian aircraft outrage
Rome - And what's more he's cancelling his Holy Moscow Muff Chicks subscription, essential pontifical reading ahead of a merger with the Russian Orthodox Church. The protest also sees Frankie the Argie boycott Russian vodka, cocaine and caviar cu...
Read full storyVerdict Still Out On General Motors' New Advertising Campaign
Detroit - The verdict is still out on whether the new-car-buying consumer will ultimately be swayed by General Motors Corporation's (GM) new advertising campaign. GM launched the campaign three weeks ago at the beginning of the third quarter. To dat...
Read full storyPutin and Kim Jong-Un Are Writing a Graphic Novel Together
Pyongyang, North Korea In breaking news, it was announced that Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-Un have been communicating by e-mail with Dennis Rodman as their interpreter. "Kim and I have just realized how much alike we are and how talented as well.
Read full storyBridge Collapses, Drowning 22 Tea Party Activists
HUNTINGTON, WV--The Robert C. Byrd Bridge, a bridge spanning the Ohio River between Chesapeake, OH and Huntington, WV, collapsed on Thursday, killing twenty-two members of the Tea Party Movement. The Tea Party activists were reportedly on their way...
Read full storyShakespeare In The Park Troupe Opts To Show Slides Rather Than Perform Plays
Our local Shakespeare in the Park troupe, "Shakespeare Alive!" has chosen to alter its 2015-16 season and present slide shows of professional performances of Shakespeare's plays rather than perform the plays themselves live in the Oak Park Pavilion.
Read full storyPutin Provides Alibi For Where He Was During Ukrainian Plane Crash
Moscow, Russia Head of Russia, Vladimir Putin, released what he says is an alibi for his whereabouts during the recent Malaysian plane crash in the Ukraine. "I was at Sam's Club in Moscow buying some spare epaulets for my new military uniforms. I...
Read full storyPresident contracts new misspeaking disease is rushed to Mt. Sinai Hospital
Doctors at Mt. Sinai Hospital are not yet clear on a peculiar new disease affecting the President, where he is temporarily hospitalized. The problem emerged directly after his return from a retreat at Camp David where he spent solitary time ponde...
Read full storyCuriosity Mars Buggy Finds Solar System Control Box Behind Rock
The main control panel for the Earth, Mars, Sun, Moon and the rest of the Solar System has been found by the Curiosity Mars Vehicle. NASA has now admitted that this was the reason for the multi billion dollar mission. Steven Honking, the distingui...
Read full storyInterview with MI5 Mole
It came as something of a surprise when there was a knock at the door of my office at Spoof HQ and a gentleman introduced himself as a mole from MI5. I asked him how he had found his way to our HQ and he told me he went to Platform 8 and a half at Kings Cross and found there was no rowling stock but was advised to go to Platform S where he found a train to our place. I had my doubts that thi...
Read full storyVirginia Woman Sues Joe Biden After Being Blinded by His Bright Smile
Fairfax, VA - A local woman has filed charges against Vice-President Biden because she claims that during a speech he gave recently, which the plaintiff attended, Mr. Biden flashed his pearly whites at the woman and temporarily blinded her. Th...
Read full storyGuide To Enjoying Your Hen Night In Borth, Aberystwith
Remember to respectfully treat other tourists who may have just come to Borth to quietly enjoy tranquil views of the famous peat bog and see the site of the well publicised recent bog fires. Here are some dares to get the ball rolling: 1) REMOVE YOUR BRA WITHOUT TAKING YOUR TOP OFF 2) SING SANDRA DEE FROM GREASE 3) DRINK YOUR DRINK WITHOUT STOPPING 4) KISS EVERYONE IN THE GROUP 5) DAN...
Read full storyGiant killer frogs attack nurses at prison hospital
Monroe, Wa. Correction officers at MCC (Monroe Correctional Complex) in Washington State have reported several unprovoked attacks by giant mutant frogs on workers at the prison. " They seem to be focused on the nursing staff;" officer Shirley L. s...
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