Somerset boat people stopped by Immigration officials trying to enter U.K.
A UKIP comedy party spokesperson told our reporter this morning that the party had no problem with the scores of Somerset refugees entering Britain illegally. "These people will be held at a central processing unit and dealt with according to EU rul...
Read full storyJustin Bieber tested positive for pot and anthrax
Miami, Florida - Early toxicology results published today say Canadian pop singer Justin Bieber had cannabis and the popular US anti-anxiety drug anthrax in his system after last week's Florida bust. The prescription-only medication is a firm favo...
Read full storyMarie Antoinette Cake Centers To Open For US Hungry
The omnibus farm appropriation bill passed by The House today provides for the establishment of 500 Marie Antoinette Cake Centers in the 17 states who get $800 million per year in food stamp cuts provided by the bill, affecting some 2 million men,...
Read full storySOTU: Obama Bores The Crap Out of Almost Everyone
While American viewers tuned in to watch President Obama deliver the annual State of the Union message, many others were turning a deaf ear until given the opportunity to gorge themselves on the feast of "official responses" by the disloyal and deran...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Charged With Attacking Limo Driver
Looks like Justin is trying to get his name in the newspapers and on the internet on a daily basis. This last one (for now) is back home in Canada. Serves them right for sending the punk out on the rest of us. Bieber's reputation for violence a...
Read full storyNASA's Nationally Televised Telethon Will Be A Star-Studded Event
HOUSTON - It is widely known that NASA has been having financial problems for the past three years. Much of that can be attributed to the high cost in utility bills which are enormous at The Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center. NASA Spokesperson Tre...
Read full storyRichard Sherman Says Justin Bieber Needs To Be Deported
NEW YORK CITY - In a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black, Seattle Seahawks problem child Richard Sherman has said that the Canadian problem child Justin Bieber needs to be deported back to Canada. Sherman, the trash-talking cornerback...
Read full storyPresident Putin Is Thrilled With Edward Snowden
MOSCOW - President Putin was recently interviewed by Russia's national news agency, Vodkavich. He was asked how he felt NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden was doing in his position as The Director of Computers. The Russian leader smiled as he put...
Read full storyMath Teachers Everywhere Admit Math is Useless, Propose Additional Funding for the Arts
LEXINGTON, KY - Public school students everywhere may be getting a surprise soon. For many years, students have told their math teachers that math is useless, and will never be used in the real world. In 2014, teachers have decided they've he...
Read full storyLone Detroit Man On Olympic Quest
Literally the " Last Person to Leave Detroit", Gerald Pembroke figures that he has nothing to lose by starting off for the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia with his own personalized downhill "tube-sled" equipment. Pembroke states that, "I...
Read full storyGirl Scouts & Moms Battle Fat Women Going To Weight Watchers
Knoxville, Tennessee. Police were called out to the Kingston Pike this afternoon after getting frantic calls from several sources that a fight was taking place near the Weight Watchers Center as some big women were battling some girl scouts and their...
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