Justin Bieber Joins Al-Qaeda
The scandals are only deepening for singer Justin Bieber. After weeks of public turmoil including arrests for drunk driving and assault on a limo driver, the singer has officially announced his membership in Al-Qaeda and vowed war upon the United Sta...
Read full storyAmerican Grooms Exhausted!
GATLINBURG, TENNESSEE - The picturesque city of Gatlinburg, located in the Smoky Mountains, is the #3 wedding destination in the world. 42,000 weddings are held here per year, and according to local wedding business owners, there is a new problem ar...
Read full storyTop NSA Brass Watching Porn Not Snowden
The talk of the morning news shows on Sunday, February 9, was that cheap software - available to everyone on-line - was used by Edward Snowden to plunder secrets from the NSA. He accessed millions of the country most highly classified documents...
Read full storyZoo kills baby giraffe, feeds it to homeless people
There has been an outcry tonight after an 18 month old giraffe, the product of incest behind zoo bars, was put down with a bolt gun before being chopped up and sent to charity kitchens feeding vagrants and other homeless people. Young Marius had b...
Read full storyPenis Panic Still Spreading!
Talk about worrying about the size of your penis, there are people out there who claim their penis disappeared during the night. "It comes back up into your body and you cannot get it out", says a native of West Africa. "It happened to many last y...
Read full storyPope Sells Harley at Auction
A Harley-Davidson motorcycle donated last year to Pope Francis has sold at a Paris auction to benefit charity. Thus far, the buyer remains anonymous but it went for about four times it's worth, according to an auction house. It's still unknown whe...
Read full storyThink tank ponders Cameron's rug enigma
Since the Prime Minister David Cameron stated this week, that: 'if we lost Scotland, it would rip a rug from under the UK's reputation', Scottish and English philosopers and linguistic scholars alike have been in a frantic race to divine the meaning...
Read full storyJustin Bieber in Ambulance Which Was Hijacked!
Talk about a wild ride, Justin Bieber was on one early this morning. For once he was the victim of the Knockout Game and was still woozie when an ambulance was ordered for him to go for a check-up. A medical team was called by friends who had...
Read full storySeahawks' Richard Sherman Accidentally Chokes Himself - Wife Pulls Plug
NEW YORK, NY - Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman accidentally choked himself following his team's victory over the Denver Broncos in Superbowl XLVIII. On the Broncos last drive, Sherman deflected Bronco quarterback, Peyton Manning's pass...
Read full storyChris Christie: "I DID NOT have sex with that toll booth!!"
It was an angry and red faced Gov. Chris Christie that took the podium at an early morning press conference today. Christie: "First and foremost I DID NOT have sex with that toll booth! These are lies no doubt started by Democrat scumbags or teachers union scumbags, or any other scumbag rumor mongers who are just trying to scuttle my presidential ambitions." Reporter: "But Governor, there wa...
Read full storyFrancis Bacon portrait of his cat 'Rasher' set to sell for a hundred million bucks
New York - A Manhattan auction house estimates Bacon's classic 1969 oil on canvas portrait of his pussycat Rasher will be a runaway hundred million dollar success at their forthcoming sale this week. NYC auctioneers Dribble & Gavel say they ha...
Read full storyIRS to Treat Gay TEA Partiers the Same As Straight TEA Partiers
WASHINGTON, DC - On Friday, the Commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), Benjamin Dover, announced that the IRS will give gay TEA Partiers the same treatment as straight TEA Partiers. Mr. Dover's spokesman, Ima Gaye-Barr, announced that...
Read full storyCrappy presentation bouquets and fools gold medals at the Sochi 2014 winners podium
Sochi, Black Sea - Competitors at the Russian Winter Games have complained about the 'pathetic' quality of floral bouquets and an estimated 99% iron pyrites content of so-called gold medals being doled out on the winners' podium. "Mostly poison i...
Read full storyMan responsible for Olympic ring mishap sentenced to 18 years hard labor
The man responsible for the Olympic ring mishap was sentences to 18 years of hard labor in a Siberian prison camp today. Vladimir Netsov, 53, of Moscow was the technical director of the opening ceremonies at the Olympics in Sochi, Russia on Fri...
Read full storyPeeing banned at Winter Olympics!
Vladimir Putin has not only banned gay behaviour at Sochi, home of the very pathetic Winter Olympics hosted and financed by a bunch of moronic, super-rich, Russian oligarchs who felt that Putin needed a global boost in the global rating as the world'...
Read full storyBilderbergers on the farm 2013
The provisional offerings for accommodation on the farm were The Chicken Shack, or one of the many outlying buildings and stables, which were categorized under "Shack and Or". The Chicken Shack is by far the largest building, as the farm's main bu...
Read full storyA High-Ranking Taliban General Spotted In Yuma, Arizona
YUMA, Arizona - A private investigator working for the United States government has just informed the press that he has just seen one of the Taliban's highest ranking generals. The private investigator who did not want his real name revealed, for...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Comments About Denmark's Sexy Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt
PYONGYANG - North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un spoke to North Korea's national news agency The Rice Paddy. He informed them that he had received a very nice phone call from the Danish prime minister thanking him for the gift of 40 pounds of the fines...
Read full storyCongress Reports That Their New Elderly Persons Stimulus Package Is Having Fantastic Success
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Congress is glad to announce that their Elderly Persons Stimulus Package has been well received throughout the country. American Spotlight Magazine reports that the new bill consists of providing free Viagra pi...
Read full storyPresident Putin Invites Jay Leno To Be His Special Guest At The Sochi Olympics
MOSCOW - Vodkavich, Russia's national news agency, is reporting that President Vladimir Putin has extended an invitation to former host of The Tonight Show Jay Leno to be his honored guest at The Sochi XXII Winter Olympics. The Russian president c...
Read full storyTexas Multi-Millionaire Gives Michelle Obama A Fantastic Belated Birthday Present
ODESSA, Texas - Well-known Odessa oilman Edison J. Tugtucker has just given Michelle Obama one fantastic belated birthday gift. The multi-millionaire who reportedly owns over 1,200 oil wells from Houston to El Paso told American Spotlight Magazine...
Read full storyRussian President Putin Gives England's Queen Elizabeth Permission To Ship The Three Al-Qaeda Prisoners To Siberia
MOSCOW - In a true gesture of friendship Russian President Putin has informed Queen Elizabeth that he would be willing to take the three Al-Qaeda terrorists that are sitting in a London Prison and send them to Siberia. Queen Elizabeth was thrilled...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Remarks That She Would Love To Own A McDonald's
BEVERLY HILLS - Actress Kirstie Alley recently appeared on The View and she told Barbara Walters that she hardly ever gets any movie scripts anymore. She noted that the last script she got was for a Portuguese film about an ex-matador who goes to...
Read full storySimon Cowell's X-Factor Gets The Axe!
HOLLYWOOD - British television mogul Simon Cowell is not a happy camper as his pride and joy X-Factor has just been cancelled by the FOX Network. Cowell said that he was having lunch with his long time friend and fellow ex-judge Paula Abdul at The...
Read full storyToyota To Open Up An Auto Plant In Tijuana, Mexico
LOS ANGELES - A representative for Japan's Toyota Auto Industry has just let the news media know that they will soon be opening up a brand new Toyota plant in Tijuana, Baja California (Mexico). Yoshiro Yasukawa stated that Toyota is proud of the n...
Read full storySamoan Speed Skater Disqualified For Being Overweight
SOCHI, Russia - The country of Samoa is extremely upset as they have just learned that their pride and joy speed skater Tuituitama Lemkala has been disqualified by the Sochi Olympics Organizing Committee. SOOC Spokeswoman Tula Tambova did verify t...
Read full storyNASA Confirms That The Martian Pot Found By Curiosity Is 10 Times More Powerful Than Any Marijuana In Colorado
HOUSTON - NASA Spokesperson Trent Timmelfarb has informed the various news agencies that the marijuana that the Martian land rover Curiosity recently discovered on Mars is in fact of a very, very high grade. Timmelfarb stated that chemists analyze...
Read full storyMassive Object of Many Colors Fills the Skies Over California
YOSEMITE PARK, CALIFORNIA - Tourists to this Sierra Nevada National Park expressed a mixture of fear and awe today as they witnessed the appearance of a massive object of many colors in the skies over Yosemite. The object extended completely across...
Read full storyLatest Entrants in Men's Doubles Olympic Luge Competition Cause a Local Stir
Sochi - Two recent arrivals here are the latest viers for the two-man luge competition to be held at the Santi track. Just off the boat from what has been judiciously termed "a stealth voyage" are Messrs. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, representing t...
Read full storySo This is Where California's Water Has Been Going
REDDiNG, CALIFORNIA - Today scientists from Stanford University School of Earth Sciences announced a startling discovery - a gigantic sinkhole at the bottom of Lake Shasta, ten miles north of Redding. Lake Shasta, with a surface area of 30,000 acr...
Read full storyWhipped Cream Makes For a Gentler Face Lift say Experts
BEVERLEY HILLS, CALIFORNIA - Dr. Fleming and Dr. Mayer, Top Rated Plastic Surgeon experts who have worked at the Beverly Hills Institute for 25 years, announced today they have developed a new additive for face and body work. "We are now adding...
Read full storyPenguins Eyeing East Coast as Potential New Habitat
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS - Penguins have been spotted swimming in the icy coastal waters off Boston with a look of delight in their beady little eyes. Much to the delight of avid East Coast birdwatchers, it is suspected that the aquatic creatures, who...
Read full story10 Fun Activities To Do When it is Raining Outside
Well, well, things have certainly changed since we published "Fun Activities to do During the California Drought" several days ago. The biggest change, as most people know, is that it has been raining for the past few days! So here are some fun activities to do when it is raining outside: 1. Grab your umbrellas and slickers and sing and and dance to "Singing in the Rain". 2. Gather worms...
Read full storyNASA Space Station Being Drawn From Orbit!
After two American astronauts talked live to some members of the United States Bobsled Crew in Suchi Saturday, they have sent a message that they seem to be going out of orbit. "It's like we are being pulled by some magnetic force", Astronaut Mike...
Read full storyMove Over Red Hat Society, Introducing "The Evergreen Gals"
COOS BAY, OREGON - Peggy Johnson is only 43, but she is the head of one of the newest and fastest growing women's organizations in the U.S. since Sue Ellen Cooper started The Red Hat Society was started in 1998. Johnson's organization is called "The Evergreen Gals", in reference to evergreen trees that have leaves in all four seasons. "Members of 'The Evergreen Gals' are dedicated to being...
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