Kenyan body parts fetishist who asked for Chelsea Clinton's hand in marriage gored to death by elephant
Nairobi - She was to have been his trophy wife in exchange for 40 Friesian bullocks and a pregnant chihuahua. Unfortunately prospective father-in-law Bill Clinton wasn't having it on account of tough Washington DC quarantine laws. This morning...
Read full storySuicide of a 'Tormented Genius'
Julian Sidebottom was born in Clapham London and changed his name to Olaf Arsoff while still a student at the Slade School of Art. He was expelled in his first year for alleged non-attendance and heroin addiction. His flatmate at the time said of him...
Read full storyWhatever Happened to Punky Brewster?
Hoff here. I had a hard time deciding whether I should even bother with a subject like Television. In such cases, I just sleep on it. That usually helps. So I slept through a one-hour cop show, and two sitcoms, and decided to throw this out there. Television used to be like the friend who'd stop in for a visit every night from 7 to 10 for a chat. Sometime we'd talk about the news and sports. He...
Read full storySunshine Daycare Under Investigation After Employees Allegedly Win At Candy Land
Local daycare provider Sunshine Daycare has had its license suspended and is under investigation by state regulators after allegations that its employees regularly beat toddlers at the game Candy Land. Several parents whose children attend Sunshine f...
Read full story'Sky Not Blue' According to US Congress
WASHINGTON - Amid national and international crises, the US House of Representatives could not confirm the color of the sky. House Resolution 461, called for Congress to declare that the sky is blue. The resolution was proposed by Representative...
Read full storyCavaliers Finalize Love Deal, Bringing Beach Boys Lyricist To Cleveland
CLEVELAND -- The Cleveland Cavaliers have finally consummated a much discussed and debated deal, acquiring Mike Love from the Beach Boys in exchange for their prized good vibrations. "Mike and I had discussed this after some of the Beach Boys reun...
Read full storyUkraine Formulates National Defense Plan While Assisting Africa
(Kiev) In a breathtakingly stunning tour-de-force; merging diplomacy, mercantilism, foreign affairs, public health and national defense, today Dick Cheney announced that he has brokered an epic exchange between Liberia and Ukraine. In a classical...
Read full storyHarry Potter Fans Accused Of Porno Inferno
Porn mogul 'Big' Dick Littlejohn has today accused Harry Potter fans of arson after the set of his latest movie Harry Do-Her and the Golden Shower burnt down last night in a huge conflagration in South London. "Those potty fans have had in for me...
Read full storyBoobs, Butts, and Beyond! Cellphones Condemn Current Selfie Craze
The cellphones made their feelings known yesterday at a noon demonstration in NYC's Times Square. A mix of tourists and native New Yorkers observed the proceedings. The former were startled, but the latter merely looked resigned. The natives have s...
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