Cavaliers Finalize Love Deal, Bringing Beach Boys Lyricist To Cleveland

Written by Cool Papa Bell

Thursday, 7 August 2014

CLEVELAND -- The Cleveland Cavaliers have finally consummated a much discussed and debated deal, acquiring Mike Love from the Beach Boys in exchange for their prized good vibrations.

"Mike and I had discussed this after some of the Beach Boys reunion shows I attended," said Cavaliers star LeBron James, who just returned to Cleveland as a free agent after four years in Miami. "We hung out some in South Beach with John Stamos, and I sat in on the drums when they did 'Kokomo' for a couple special shows at retirement villages."

Love brings a much needed primary lyricist presence to the Cavs, and is expected to write, record and perform a collection of compositions which will reflect a nostalgic summer of surfing, cars and romance, bringing back memories of Austin Carr and Bingo Smith, while also flashing a bit of melancholy in paying tribute to the four lost years while LeBron was away.

"Mike Love is to basketball as Kareem Abdul-Jabaar is to kung fu movies," said Cavs owner Dan Gilbert. "We paid a steep price to get him but it's well worth it. Brian Wilson is off the market, and we didn't want to fall back on Al Jardine or Bruce Johnston."

The Cavaliers were hesitant to part with their youthful good vibrations, believing they would set the tempo for the team for years to come, but Love's maturity, longevity and Rock and Roll Hall Fame credentials made the trade to good to pass up.

"Listening to Mike makes me wanna hold LeBron and remember a better time, when we were young and carefree, and we could feel the sand from the shores of Lake Erie on our feet," said Gilbert.

The move was all about changing the atmosphere in the organization and gaining respect from the rest of the NBA and the soft rock community, said LeBron.

"I'm gettin' bugged driving up and down the same old strip," he said. "I gotta find a new place where the kids are hip. My buddies and me are getting real well known. Yeah, the bad guys know us and they leave us alone."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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