Susanna Reid's Breasts to Be 'Sanctified' Live on 'Good Morning Britain's' Debut Show
As ITV gear up for the launch of its latest Breakfast show, insiders have announced that there will be a live link to the Vatican during the show. Following the demise of the much maligned 'Daybreak' the launch of ITV's latest breakfast incarnatio...
Read full storyMan Desperately Trying To Find Any Movie That Does Not Feature Danny Trejo
Despite spending over two hours browsing through Netflix a Florida man has still yet to find a movie that he hasn't seen that doesn't feature, or star Danny Trejo. Trejo, 69, American born but of Mexican descent and second cousin of producer/direc...
Read full storyNew Mortgage Rate System Rated (We Need To Hire A Snappy Headline Writer)
In a shakeup to the way we apply for mortgage's people will now take a personality test to see if their eligible to receive a large sum of money for them to own their own property. The test will take the form of a quiz with a number of questions and...
Read full storyCheerleaders' manual claims tampons trigger vaginal fungus
Orchard Park, New York - An intimate guide to cheerleaders' personal hygiene has been branded a pile of sexist bollocks after claiming tampons carry ugly microbes and cause fungal infestations similar to Serpula lacrymans, a.k.a. dry rot. The Bu...
Read full storyBBC's 'Escape to the County' to be re-named 'Escape to the Inner City'
As the Bedroom Tax takes grip on over 660,000 victims, the BBC has reacted by changing the name of their flagship show. Couples, and single people from around the UK will be invited to appear on the show, in an attempt to "create a series that viewer...
Read full storyCream Wars - Clotted Cream Must Be Eaten in Cornwall and Not Taken Anywhere Else
An escalation in the Devon vs. Cornwall clotted cream wars was yesterday sparked off by 'Cornwall's Prince Charles's' announcement that he had won the war without a shot being fired. The pleasant but sickly Cornish Clotted Cream - made by boilin...
Read full storySo Easy Even a Man Can Do It - Parking Guide
Husbands - forget embarrassing parallel parking mess - ups, getting into trouble in the supermarket car park, scuffing your wife's expensive alloy wheels and banging the car door onto the next one while struggling to squeeze your beer gut out of the driver's door. Here's our confidence boosting parking advice: 1) Get touch up paint to keep in your "Man Bag". 2) Superglue giant cats whiskers...
Read full storyMan Shot 25 Times By Police Shot Again - During Autopsy
Tybee Island police officers who shot an unarmed jaywalker 25 times during an altercation in 2013, shot the offender one more time, just to make sure - during his autopsy. Tybee Police Chief T.R. Igger said "It was for the safety of my officers,"…
Read full storyGroup of TV presenters arrested after they admit to liking small boys
A group of TV presenters, who wish to remain nameless due to the nefarious nature of their activities, have admitted that they all like small boys, with each trying to outdo the other in relation to amassing a collection of them. They were all arr...
Read full storyDavid Moyes Released Back Into The Wild
After completing a distinguished career as Manchester United boss spanning nearly 10 months, former Everton and Preston North End manager David Moyes was re-released into his native Scottish highland habitat yesterday. Walking northward towards a…
Read full storyObama Drone Kills English Cup Cake Insurgent Mr. Kipling - Olde English Tea Rooms Are Legitimate Drone Targets
After the successful Drone missile attack on Cup Cake rebel leader Mr. Kipling, President Obama, acting on the outcome of a C.I.A investigation into subversionary English coffee bars has declared that old women having tea and cup cakes in "Tea Rooms"...
Read full storyLabradors To Be Re-Categorised As Dangerous Dogs Across Britain
A spate of incidents across Britain have forced the Government into a re-think about their dangerous dogs policy. Vacuum cleaners across Britain are being blocked, wooden floors are suffering from what is being labelled 'the tumbleweed effect', a...
Read full story