Written by Auntie Jean

Friday, 25 April 2014

image for Cream Wars - Clotted Cream Must Be Eaten in Cornwall and Not Taken Anywhere Else
Cream inside an artery (simulation)

An escalation in the Devon vs. Cornwall clotted cream wars was yesterday sparked off by 'Cornwall's Prince Charles's' announcement that he had won the war without a shot being fired.

The pleasant but sickly Cornish Clotted Cream - made by boiling surplus cream in sweaty socks, must now be eaten only in The Duchy Of Cornwall after a 17th Century law was discovered by Charles while lobbying influential M.P.s. in a Westminster archive. Clotted cream, or arterial radiator sealant, is best known for its ability to clog up the arteries of people who look at it.

Atkings diet devotees could previously take it out of Cornwall or even buy it in Devon, or underwater in Somerset to pig out on. Provided no chips were eaten within 1 hour of clotted cream ingestion, no weight gain ensued. The alternative Clotted Cream Clot Buster Diet is now only possible south of the River Tamar.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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