Senator Feinstein decides reporters must have government clearance
Senator Feinstein is currently reported working toward legislation which will limit those who can report the news to official government representatives, with their work "classified." That is, reporters will soon be government workers with special...
Read full storyGOP pool party survives testicle eating fish scare
With the recent success in shutting down the government, the "gang of thirty" tea party members who are currently steering the GOP decided to celebrate. They dispersed to the home of one of their benefactors with its three swimming pools and sund...
Read full storyUSA Government Walks, That's Quitting Your Job According To American Citizens.
People that point out things have gotten together and decided this, "American Government Stays Away from Work", thing constitutes a breech in the constituent/supporter agreement. Citizen have concluded that, if they walk off their jobs their bosses consider that quitting. You will get fired as well. So in the spirit of these observations we, the voting citizens of America are accepting all...
Read full storyCollege Professor Astounded Upon Seeing Student Reading ACTUAL BOOK
"In this age of facebook likes, tweeter twits, doo-hickies, smart phones, and zippy dees, it's rare to find young people reading a book," declares Manny Zahrelik, Ph.D, professor of English Literature and Composition at Philistine University. Pro...
Read full storyMariano Rivera of The New York Yankees Heading For Dancing With The Stars Next Season
NEW YORK - One of the greatest Major League Baseball closers of all time Mariano Rivera was recently asked what he has in mind after he retires from his beloved baseball. The Yankees star smiled and said that he has agreed to be a contestant on ne...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Has A Crush On Jessica Simpson
HOLLYWOOD - Jessica Simpson has just received a certified letter from North Korean leader Kim Jong Un and the star of The Dukes of Hazzard movie is quite bewildered to say the least. Kim Jong Un, who is married, told her that he heard that she alr...
Read full storyToby Keith Hates Kanye West
NASHVILLE - Country artist Toby Keith has made it abundantly clear that he cannot stand the hip hop rapper Kanye West. Keith has remarked to several publications including Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine and Music Notes Magazine that if he ever sees West T...
Read full storyKobe Bryant Headed To Germany
LOS ANGELES - Reports coming out of LakerLand say that Kobe Bryant the star and player-coach of the Lakers is headed to Germany. Sporting Chance Magazine reports that Bryant will be having a medical procedure done at one of Germany's leading hos...
Read full storyAnn Coulter Reveals A Shocking Secret
NEW YORK CITY - Ann Coulter, the political commentator and pundit that most Democrats refer to as Trigger Face has just made an astounding announcement. The blonde pogo stick remarked to Amos Soursuckle with GOPicky Magazine that she has no idea w...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Rejects Justin Bieber
LOS ANGELES - Justin Bieber is reported to be upset at the fact that he has been upstaged by Miley Cyrus and her tongue. Biebs talked with Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk and told her that Miley thinks that all she has to do to get atten...
Read full storyBrett Favre Says His Flirting Days Are Over
NEW YORK CITY - Former NFL quarterback Brett Favre flew into New York City to appear on Live With Kelly and Michael. He told Kelly Ripa that he really and truly still feels that he can contribute his quarterbacking skills to several teams in the N...
Read full storyRavers Circa '98 Scoff at News Article Discussing Drug "Molly"
Hardingbone Bodditripp III, along with his best friend Jack Swolunshaft recall their heyday in the rave and electronic music scenes of the late nineties. "I don't remember exactly, but I'm pretty sure it was great," stated Bodditripp, 36. Swo...
Read full story