In Advance of Hurricane Season, God Issues an Apology for Body Count
NEW ORLEANS In advance of this year's hurricane season, St. Peter issued the body count from this year's devastation, saying that the count would hover somewhere in the neighborhood of 520 (with the count in Texas expected to be highest among the co...
Read full storyA look ahead at X Factor 2013 - what's in store for the return of the hit TV smash?
With X Factor looming we take a look at what's in store. Well, the biggest change is good old Shaz is back after replacing the talentless slingback wearing cockney bird Tulisa. Bizarrely enough it was only weeks ago when Tullisa swore blind she wo...
Read full storyRed Sox Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock & J. Alfred Ellsbury
T.S. Eliot may have actually had the answer when it came to the conundrum known as Red Sox centerfielder Jacoby Ellsbury. Let us go then when the evening game is spread out against the sky like a base stealer etherized in his slide to second base-...
Read full storyMc Connell Announces "Full Turtle" Transformation
AP-(Washington) In is surprise announcement, U.S. Senator Addison Mitchell "Mitch" McConnell, Jr. announced he will undergo a rare "species change" operation to become an actual turtle. The procedure will be performed at the controversial Mexican Ins...
Read full storyFour Preakness horses test positive for horsemeat
The National Racing Association announced today that four entrants into the recent Preakness tested positive for horsemeat. A spokesman for the group said that this was a "dark day in horseracing, darker that that day when it was really dark mo...
Read full storyBong hits The Biltmore as Amanda Bynes busted for weed
New York - Janitors were busy hosing down a fifth floor terrace this morning after a flying bong from the 36th floor apartment rented by The Amanda Show star made an unexpected crash landing in the Wassersteins' hot tub. Bynes, 27, was arrested fo...
Read full storyObama rudely heckled with facts, intellectual consistency
WASHINGTON, D.C.--While giving a speech on the War on Terror Thursday, President Obama was rudely interrupted by a barrage of factual statements and ethical standards by a member of leftist activist group Code Pink. "Asking [Obama] why the 86...
Read full storyTed Nugent Says He Owns 7,913 Guns
DETROIT - Ted Nugent finished performing a benefit concert at Detroit's Carburetor Coliseum when he spoke backstage with Sinclair Petaluma of Political Salad Bar Magazine. Nugent who is 64, is perhaps the most anti-gun control advocate in the nati...
Read full storyLady Gaga Denies The Ann Coulter Lesbian Rumor
NEW YORK CITY - Lady Gaga is furious at the fact that she was at a local supermarket and saw a photo of her and GOP pundit Ann Coulter with the caption The Musically Political World of Lesbianism. Lady Gaga called up the offices of the supermarket...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Shocked At Her Lewd Upskirt Photo
BURBANK - Kate Gosselin was in town for an appearance on Jay Leno's Tonight Show. When she was on the air with the man who Dancing With The Stars judge Carrie Ann Inaba calls The Chinmaster, she was shown a candid photo of herself. Kate gasped...
Read full storyCharles Barkley Says LeBron James Will Run Out of Steam
MIAMI - The Miami Heat took game one in the NBA Eastern Conference Finals as they edged out the Indiana Pacers 103-102 in overtime. Charles Barkley said he was at the game but he was dressed incognito. A fan who spotted Charles, known as "The Fat...
Read full storyJustin Bieber's Mom Devastated At What Her Son Has Turned Into
BEVERLY HILLS - Close friends of Justin Bieber's mother Patti Lynn "Dimples" Mallette disclose that they fear that she could end up at The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic along with Lindsay Lohan, and Denise Mueller. Ms. Mallette, who is a ver...
Read full storyTaliban General Plotting To Kidnap Sarah Palin Captured In Wasilla, Alaska
WASILLA, Alaska - Local authorities in Sarah Palin's hometown of Wasilla are reporting that they have made one of the biggest arrests in the history of the Alaskan town. Wasilla Sheriff Abner Bellbubble stated that at 4 a.m. on Friday morning loca...
Read full storySofia Vergara Talks Openly Regarding Her Fantastic Boobs
BEVERLY HILLS - One of the stars of the hit sit-com Modern Family, Sofia Vergara had just had her hair styled by FuFi Fondue, known as The Hair Stylist To The Stars when she was approached by a celebrity reporter. Miss Vergara had been interviewed...
Read full storyRoger Clemens and Lance Armstrong Sell Their Business Venture
CHICAGO - Former sports figures Roger Clemens and Lance Armstrong opened up The Been There - Done That Private Detective Agency in February of this year and they've announced that they have just sold it. Armstrong spoke with Cutter Shiloh of Ameri...
Read full storyRihanna Refuses To Apologize For Her Profanity-Laced Remarks
BROOKLYN - Rihanna had just left The Salvatore Goombalini General Hospital after visiting an ex-backup singer who was having her vocal cords aligned. She was asked by Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors about the fact that her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown h...
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