Ted Nugent Says He Owns 7,913 Guns

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 24 May 2013

image for Ted Nugent Says He Owns 7,913 Guns
Ted Nugent is 64, but the ex-Amboy Dukes member is still rocking and rolling.

DETROIT - Ted Nugent finished performing a benefit concert at Detroit's Carburetor Coliseum when he spoke backstage with Sinclair Petaluma of Political Salad Bar Magazine.

Nugent who is 64, is perhaps the most anti-gun control advocate in the nation. He was asked how many guns he owns.

At first the hard-core Republican replied that he did not know but after taking a few drinks of his Lone Star Longneck he revealed that he owns 7,913.

Petaluma was flabbergasted. He asked him why anyone would need so many friggin guns. Nugent grinned and said that most of them were birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, and wedding gifts.

"Wedding gifts?" Petaluma asked in disbelief, "My goodness, who on Earth gives someone a gun as a wedding present?"

Nugent took a sip of his Lone Star and answered, "I have lots of relatives, friends, and fans who are always giving me guns and mama always told me that it is impolite to refuse a gun as a present."

When asked which gun is his favorite, the singer known as The Motor City Madman, scratched his head and replied that it would have to be his Australian A-19 Automatic Assault Rifle which he said can fire off 515 rounds in 2.7 seconds.

Petaluma asked him where he had gotten it. He did not want to say at first but after downing three more bottles of Lone Star, he said that it had been given to him by a groupie in Milwaukee.

SIDENOTE: Ted Nugent said that he will be going into the recording studio with Ke$ha and recording a duet single that he hopes to release in August. He said its a love song titled "The Ballad of Howitzer Hank and Bazooka Betty."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more