NASA Fumes As Kepler Telescope Emancipates Himself
To save face, NASA is reporting that the Kepler telescope is broken. Hogwash! The truth is quite different. And somewhat sad, at least for the space agency. You see, the telescope has declared himself emancipated from his NASA "parents" and has...
Read full storyJust how close is Barack Obama to the KGB?
Washington AC/DC - This weekend's twist in a timeless Spy Who Shagged Me script sees Barry O's ass in a sling alright. Furious CIA spin is pinning the blame on a clownish Moscow desk junior secretary, caught cack-handed in a KGB swoop attempting t...
Read full storyFarquar unravels plot at Walmart
Harvey L. Farquar of Glenn Hills, Minnesota uncovered what may have been one of the more diabolical retailing plots known to mankind. Farquar realized that on every shopping occasion at Walmart, that he experienced some nasal discomfort, and he h...
Read full storyHollywood Collector Pays $4,000,000 For Angelina Jolie's Breasts
A high profile collector of Hollywood memorabilia has reportedly paid $4M for the removed breasts of actress Angelina Jolie who earlier this week revealed that she had a double mastectomy after finding out she carries a defective gene that puts her a...
Read full storyGlasgow Kiss For UKIP
Nigel Farrago was having a rethink over his Gay Marriage policy after receiving a Glasgow Kiss in Scotland. Blinded with emotion he declared: 'My welcome here has moved me considerably and in honour of my Scottish pals I've decided to break with t...
Read full storyObama forced to use umbrella
As president Obama was holding a press conference with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, a light drizzled of rain started. Obama was seen looking skyward, and then to the ground. He admitted later on that he had summoned to the heavens to...
Read full storyDucks trained to bomb enemy targets
The humble mallard has become the latest weapon in the war on terror with squadrons of specially trained ducks set to be unleashed across the Middle East. "Ducks make the ideal precision bomb delivery system," said Sergeant Desk, of DARPA, the res...
Read full storyBubble wrap - top of the pops!
After much deliberation, sharp points and millions of things that go 'pop', Bubble Wrap has once again been voted Top of the Pops. "It's fantastic news," said Brian Gigglesworth, head of the Bubble Wrap Federation of Cumbria and the UK. "This make...
Read full storyCross Dressing through history
In the dawn of time, all humans were naked, so there was no such thing as cross dressing, but current research shows that cross dressing is a psychological condition, so although there was no cross dressing, there were cross dressers. These people must have been very confused, and didn't know how to solve it. Then, about ten thousand years before some hippy was killed for pointing out the flaw...
Read full storyCandice Glover of South Carolina Crowned The New American Idol!
HOLLYWOOD - Candice Glover of St. Helena Island, South Carolina was crowned the winner of American Idol's season 12. She beat out Texas native Kree Harrison, who looks exactly like Rose, the Melanie Lynskey character on Two and A Half Men. Rand...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan's Rehab Clinic Escape Plot Exposed!
LOS ANGELES - The Los Angeles Police Department is reporting that Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic patient #73013 was making plans to escape from the rehab facility. Officer W.K. Ruskinriggins with the LAPD said that he was called to the rehab...
Read full storyMadonna Cannot Stand Nicki Minaj and Says She Belongs In The Circus
BROOKLYN - Madonna was leaving The Salvatore Goombalini General Hospital after having had an ingrown hair removed from her upper lip. As she walked out the front door she was asked by Carolina Chipotle with Bedroom Pillow Talk what she thought abo...
Read full storyThere's Trouble Looming In The Prince William - Kate Middleton Marriage
NEW YORK CITY - Ashburn Wasabi with The Right Coast Revue is reporting that there appears to be some problems in the fairy tale marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton AKA The Duchess of Cambridge. Wasabi spoke with a correspondent with Engl...
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