Cops nab Greenpiss protesters
London - "We'd followed them since early dawn," PC Blaggs explained tonight, "blimmin well took me and the sergent 16 hours to climb the effin Shard before we nabbed the perpetrators on an aggravated trespass charges." Witnesses at London Bridge d...
Read full storyNSA has sleepwalked into a First Amendment nightmare
Washington DC - Lawyers acting for the Nebraska Somnambulists Association [NSA] are insisting that surveillance of the group's members on spurious First Amendment get-out clauses threatens the very essence of the United States Constitution. The As...
Read full storyUsain Bolt To Run In Kentucky Derby
Top sprinter Usain Bolt is set to swap his running shoes for horseshoes as he prepares for his latest challenge - competing in the 2014 Kentucky Derby. The 26-year-old Jamaican athlete has undergone a brain-swap operation with a young thoroughbred...
Read full storyUS Open has the balls to flush out 'secret court' deceptions
Flushing Meadows, NY - The existence of a secret court set up to rubber stamp stuff for the Establishment has been outed after a mixed doubles judge revealed that Hawk Eye - the electronic ball tracking system - may have been hacked under the Foreign...
Read full storyQueen To Be Privatised!
In a shock announcement the Government has announced that the Queen is to be privatised. 'With any luck' said Prime Minister Cameroon 'there will be enough money from the sale to help us win the next election.' There has been no immediate response...
Read full story"Moe" Hammet-Morrissey Outed in Coupe
CAIRO, ILLINOIS Local resident Moses ("Moe") Hammet-Morrissey was outed in a coupe on Saturday night when private detective Trixie Scopes photographed him leaving the parking lot of a local gay bar in his Hyundai Elantra, with a much younger man in...
Read full storyTexas Republicans: Storks Bring Babies
AUSTIN TX (AP) In addition to passing controversial abortion legislation, the Republican ruled Texas house of representatives added two new amendments just prior to the final vote. Learning from North Carolina, there was no debate. Both amendment...
Read full storyGeneral "Jumpin' Jack" Bootheel on the Lam
The Guard Dog is pleased to break the following story while at the same time nose-tighteningly aware of sensitivities implicating reporters. General Bootheel has disclosed a new key tool in the surveillance battle, taking metadata to new heights.
Read full storyObama Establishes New Department of Euphemism and Sententia
The so-called coup d'etat in Egypt - while no doubt difficult for Egyptians - is causing all manner of trouble for the Obama administration. If anyone in the administration utters this quaint French phrase, even in jest, even once with their fingers...
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