General "Jumpin' Jack" Bootheel on the Lam

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 11 July 2013

image for General "Jumpin' Jack" Bootheel on the Lam
The XVc2 coming soon

The Guard Dog is pleased to break the following story while at the same time nose-tighteningly aware of sensitivities implicating reporters. General Bootheel has disclosed a new key tool in the surveillance battle, taking metadata to new heights.

He has since declared from somewhere on the road that he had top clearance to announce development of the XVc2 ("extra vigilance see too"), size of a fly, an imminently deployable drone throughout America.

The General, a three star USMC, starting out as a grunt in The Korean War, believes he was compromised so that from the inside he was sabotaged into making these disclosures, and now he's on the run from the NSA. Whereabouts unknown, possibly south.

Already in The Washington Post Walter Pincus has been suggesting The Guard Dog is somehow complicit in these disclosures, as though we had initiated them by "aiding and abetting."

In contrast, General Bootheel revealed the new surveillance development, the XVc2, would vastly expand what metadata we now have. "We will need more storage buildings in Utah," the General said.

At this time NSA records are limited to phone calls, emails, online social media, chats, searches, bill-paying, and such. The XVc2 means 24/7 total surveillance.

Whatever you do a little XVc2 will be your continual NSA "security buddy." Design features for this drone cost more than 100 million to develop, including its "humanized features."

The General also pointed to boosting the national economy due to the need for drone security companies and factories, a boon for employment in the industry of everybody watching everybody else closely.

Within hours, however, the NSA announced manhunt underway as General Bootheel hit the road. He is America's newest whistleblower charged with "unauthorized disclosure of government thinking about what to do next."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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