American Idol - Keith Urban's Wife Nicole Kidman Says She Can't Stand Nicki Minaj
SAN FRANCISCO - Australian actress Nicole Kidman AKA Mrs. Keith Urban was in Alcatraz City catching up on some clothes shopping that she had been putting off since the middle of January. As she strolled down Lombard Street she received a call from...
Read full storyMan Who Rushes To The Front Of Plane When It Lands To Get Off First A Total Prick Claims Fellow Passenger
Gone are the days when airlines would not let passengers off planes, forcing them to fly back to where they had just come from. Also gone are the days when airlines would only let the first 20 passengers to depart the aircraft to collect their lugga...
Read full storyDon Valley Stadium fights back for Nick Clegg
Despite facing possible closure as a result of government stupidity, Sheffield's Don Valley Stadium has shown its mettle by coming out fighting in order to save Nick Clegg. A spokesman for the stadium, Donald Valley (no relation) said that while t...
Read full storyKim Kardashian's Phantom Pregnancy
Celebrity Magazine "Bithcy Do-Dah" has revealed that Kim Kardashian has been faking her pregnancy. The celebrity socialite has become jealous of rival Beyonce's baby doll. An insider said, "Kim has wanted to have her own 're-born' doll baby. She...
Read full storyTom Cruise Denies Chelsea Handler Dating Rumors
VENICE BEACH - Tom Cruise had just finished having dinner at The Shaped Like a Boot Italian Restaurant when he was greeted by Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo. Cruise has always liked Miss San Guacamole because she has never made him s...
Read full storyDisney have an animatronic synthetic Barack Obama android
Shocked visitors to Disney Land spotted a malfunctioning Barack Obama android in the Hall of the Presidents. "It was shocking," said one visitor to the theme park. "I went to enjoy myself with my family and our day was ruined by the robotic Obama...
Read full storyJustin Bieber May Become a NASCAR Driver
NEW ORLEANS - Justin Bieber performed to a sold-out crowd at The Voodoo Arena in the city known as The Big Easy. After the concert he and several members of Team Bieber went down to Bourbon Street to have dinner. They went to the Giggle Giggle...
Read full storyRichard III was not a car park attendant!
The skull belonging to Richard III found under a car park in Leicester is not his. Historical facts have proven that he never jobbed as a hunchbacked car park attendant, but he has been seen clamping cars around Notre Dame. The skull actually belo...
Read full storyRichard III Looked A Bit Like Me Didn't He? Claims Tom Cruise
After the recent facial reconstruction of Richard III, commissioned after his body was retrieved from underneath a British parking lot, actor and Scientology poster boy, Tom Cruise, is adamant that the dead monarch, portrayed through the centuries as...
Read full storyObama is a Clone of King Tut
Obama is a blue blooded clone of King Tut. The History Channel has confirmed that Barack shares the same DNA as the Pharoah King Tut. More scary still Michelle Obama is a deadringer for King Tut's sister Nefertiti and the two daughters Malia and Sasha also resemble the children of King Tut and Nefertiti. Is Barack really a clone of an ancient Egyptian King? Said rival Mitt Romney; "Barac...
Read full storyPres. Obama 'Grounds' Imaginary Son for Excessive Masturbation
WASHINGTON, DC - It would seem that Chap is in the national doghouse once more as President Barack Obama announced to the White House press corps that he's grounded the "if I had a son" once more for participating in a public masturbating contest...
Read full storyGaffe prone Joe Biden mistakes UK Deputy Prime Minister for janitor
Washington AC/DC - "Here's a dollar for your trouble, Bud," US Vice President Joe Biden told Nick Clegg today as he narrowly avoided stepping on some kerbside dog poop outside Downing Street, "see that it gets cleaned up before it ruins someone's Gu...
Read full storySubmarine With 17 Illegal Aliens Captured Near Catalina Island
LONG BEACH, California - The United States Coast Guard has just issued a statement that they have captured a submarine from Mexico. Captain Chauncey S. Shoomheimer informed the news media that the submarine was 49 feet in length and was being oper...
Read full storyWho is Parked Under Your Parking Lot?
The discovery of the 500-year-old skeleton of King Richard III beneath a parking lot in Leicester, England, has sparked a furious debate over what surprises may be hidden under these expanses of white-lined tarmac. If every car park in the world w...
Read full storyQueen's outrageous behaviour threatens monarchy
Highly sensitive information has emerged this week about an alleged 'altercation' between Dame Judi Dench and the Queen.'Serious concerns' about the Monarch's behaviour have been expressed by Prime Minister Dave (JammieDodger) Cameroon. Circumstances...
Read full storyHorse DNA Found In Richard III
Tesco has shut down its Richard III outlet in Leicester after horse DNA was found in the remains of the last Planted King. The Food Standards Agency, who missed the DNA finding due to cutbacks, advised anyone who had bought Richard III steaks (at...
Read full storyLakers Imploding: Coach D'Antoni Benches Pau Gasol
LOS ANGELES - The television show The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills better look over its shoulders because it could end up getting lower ratings than the Lakers reality show. Jerry Buss's boys in purple and gold never seem to be at a loss for d...
Read full storyMary Todd Lincoln's DNA Found In New Mexico
RUIDOSO, New Mexico - A group of archaeologists from Delaware stumbled upon an interesting find just outside of the town of Ruidoso, which is noted for its Gila Monster Grilled Burritos. Kiki Lily Chillydutch, 21, with the Delaware group stated th...
Read full storyWatson Computer to Aide Society with Legal Issues
IBM is set to create an artificial lawyer, using the Watson computer, to help aide society with their legal problems. The Watson Law TR3 will be the first computer of it's kind that's capable of connecting real life situations to legal outcomes a...
Read full storyLocal Man Experiences Super Bowl Blackout
Wisconsin man Elliot Holmes experienced his own personal Super Bowl blackout during Sunday's big game and is wondering "what the hell happened?" after waking up in a pool of vomit and urine, his trousers down to his ankles and his dog whimpering in a...
Read full storyPot To Be Taxed
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Now that the states of Colorado and Washington have voted to legalize marijuana, word coming out of Congress is that they will be considering a bill that will place a tax on pot. Senator Shelia P. Fluckaminski [R-Arizona] will b...
Read full storyBritney Spears Explains Why She's Posing In a Nude Magazine Spread
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Britney Spears has really seen more than her share of ups and downs lately. The "Oops!...I Did It Again" girl was recently fired from her $15 million a year job as judge on Simon Cowell's X-Factor. And Spears after seeing her...
Read full storyBob Dylan Agrees To Be The Musical Director on Regis Philbin and Larry King's "The Viagra View"
HOLLYWOOD - Plans are in the works for Regis Philbin and Larry King's new daytime talk show The Viagra View to premier towards the end of February. The Epitome Television Network has stated that they are very confident that the new male version of...
Read full storyUS Forces Set To Withdraw From Southern United States As Generals Admit "We Are Simply Outgunned"
The Pentagon has announced that US troops will start an immediate withdrawal from the state of Georgia after conditions there deteriorated overnight and inner city violence and gun crime reached 'unacceptable' levels. With the army predicting a hi...
Read full storyArgentina Freezes Prices To Persuade Farmers To Quit
BUENOS AIRES, Argentina (MOT) - Argentina announced a price freeze on supermarket products Monday in an effort to break spiraling obesity. The price freeze applies to every product in all of the nation's largest supermarkets, the government's news...
Read full storySuper Bowl Turns into Darktown Strutters Ball Game
Beyonce blew a fuse. Other speculation centers on one of her dancers tripping over a cord plugged into the central arena socket. Not since 18 minutes disappeared off of President Richard Nixon's Dictaphone has there been such an egregious mystery.
Read full storyMathematical Model Predicts Politicians Behavior
New York NY: The Columbia University School of Abnormal Psychology has developed a mathematical computer model to predict the interests of current and former political figures after they leave office. Professor Freud (no relation to Sigmund) expla...
Read full storyAmish Radicals Blamed for Super Bowl Blackout
The 34-minute long power outage during yesterday's Super Bowl game may have been the work of Amish radicals, say police. "We have witnesses who saw a couple of guys in a horse-drawn buggy with a triangular reflector on the back force their way into...
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