Who is Parked Under Your Parking Lot?

Funny story written by Dontquotemenews

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

The discovery of the 500-year-old skeleton of King Richard III beneath a parking lot in Leicester, England, has sparked a furious debate over what surprises may be hidden under these expanses of white-lined tarmac.

If every car park in the world was laid end-to-end, there would be more white strips than China's entire output of chopsticks over the last decade, said Cedric Llewellyn, a parking lot enthusiast who is writing a book about these spaces.

Llewellyn, a retired racing pigeon coach from Manchester, England, has spent the last 20 years studying parking lots. He often visits them at night "because they are mysterious, spiritual places."
He believes that the unearthing of Britain's lost monarch only scratches the surface.

"The gangster Jimmy Hoffa, London's Jack the Ripper, and my pet cocker spaniel Kipper, are just a few of the lost souls interned beneath parking areas," he said.

These seemingly bland locations are also hiding some of the world's most sought after treasures, he believes.

"There is a supermarket in the Middle East with a giant car park that conceals the remains of Noah's Ark, and the Lost City of Atlantis is just waiting to rise out of the tarmac near a very big government building," he said enigmatically.

Will the publicity surrounding the excavation of Richard III - the last British monarch to die in battle - lead to other major discoveries?

"Without a doubt," said Llewellyn. "Car parks are the last frontier of pioneering exploration on the planet. I've already decided which one I'll be buried in."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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