Putin Tells Obama to "Go F*ck Himself"
MOSCOW - Barack Obama's decision to cancel a planned meeting with Vladimir Putin was met with harsh words from the Russian President. "We are disappointed by the U.S. administration's decision to cancel the visit of President Obama to Moscow plan...Read full story
Dean R. Koontz
Dean R. Koontz, known (by colleague and competitor Stephen King) as "the Stephen King of the West Coast," dissociates himself with horror, saying, "To be a horror writer, one must be a horrible writer." He is not to be confused with his fictional alter ego, horror writer Dean Koontz. Koontz was born in Pennsylvania, under a host of pseudonyms, and conceived the plots of his first 33 novels whi...Read full story
Nostalgic Television: "Be Witched"
Be Witched was a situation comedy, or sitcom (short for stupid idiots tune in comedies) starring Lizzy Montgummy as Sam Stevens. A bigamist (or, possibly, a polyandryist), Sam was a transvestite witch who, out of stupidity, renounced magic in favor of love. She had two husbands, both named Darren (or, sometimes, Dum Dum, Durwood, Dagwood, or Dingleberry), who, coincidentally, were both employed by...Read full story
HUD to order neighborhood busing
Under the Obama administration, the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) plans to "track diversity" in America's neighborhoods; if a community appears to the feds to discriminate, its residents will be bussed to other locations to make r...Read full story
Driver leaves train on line
Rail passengers were delayed this morning when the train driver abandoned his cab and walked off. The 7.05 London train from Hull Paragon station departed 30 mins late after GNER located a replacement driver. British Transport police were cal...Read full story
NSA Supporter Proposes Security Agents in Every U.S. Home to Reduce Unemployment!
A recent security conference held at Aspen Colorado was sponsored by CNN and emceed by Wolf Blitzer. He opened by saying that he knew how hard it was "to run an operation like this." One of the first to speak was former Attorney General under the Bus...Read full story
GOP House to Erect a Statue of Ayn Rand on the National Mall
WASHINGTON, D.C..--The Republican members of the House of Representatives are pushing a bill to memorialize libertarian hero Ayn Rand with a statue. Ayn Rand, who wrote the thousand plus page screed Atlas Shrugged, is to be depicted in a heroic posi...Read full story
A-Rod's Agent, PR Firm Suggest Pretending He's Gay-Rod As Next Career Move
Worried about their client's future marketability, Alex Rodridguez's agent and public relations firm are telling the baseball star to pretend he's gay and come out to the sports world. Future endorsement deals with gay cruise lines, Antique World Ma...Read full story
Chrysler Recall Jeeps, Minivans Due To Working Brake Lamps
Chrysler Corp has recalled the entire 2000-2010 production output of Jeep Grand Cherokee and Dodge Caravan vehicles due to reports that a small percentage actually have working brake lamps. A spokesman at the NTSB stated that he was aware of at le...Read full story
Employees at Yemen Government Tourism Agency Nervous About Sudden Layoff Rumors
Workers at the Sana'a office of the Yemen Government Tourism Agency were surprised today by rampant rumors of layoffs. "Nothing has prepared us for this sudden change of plans," explained Hasna from behind the reception desk. "We had just start...Read full story
Nostalgic Television: "Get Smart"
Get Maxwell Don Adams Smart, or Get Smart, as it was called for short, celebrated the U. S. Central Intelligence Agency. It starred Maxwell Don Adams Smart, an actual CIA agent who loved numbers, particularly 99. The series was designed to showcase the efficiency and sophistication of U. S. federal bureaucracies and to make Americans feel safe and happy to part with the millions of dollars in taxe...Read full story
McDonald's takes a bite out of franchisees' pockets
Ronald McDonald, CEO of the international fast-food franchise and part-time clown, has become the target of a hate group--the restaurant chain's own franchisees! "The bastard's greed is unbelievable," Betty Crocker, of Ann Arbor, Michigan...Read full story
Balham Film Director's New Release: "Valley of the Trolls"
He is a much respected film director and auteur. He has won numerous awards including The Golden Rose of Macclesfield and the Palme d'Ordinaire at Cannes. The works he has produced and directed include art house classics, blockbusters and a hidden c...Read full story
Spoof Journalist Abused by David Cameron
A Spoof journalist found himself on the receiving end of Prime Minister David Cameron's ire today during a Downing Street press conference. It was when our political correspondent Paxton Quigley attempted to ask a question that the prime ministeri...Read full story
Most celebrities, most of the time, have nothing important or interesting to say, but, because they are famous (and rich), their every word is reported to the world. Unfortunately, they are usually misquoted, because their words are taken out of context, or so they say, and, when they are not being misquoted, they are misspeaking. No matter what they do or say, they claim that they are seldom, if...Read full story
GOP accidentally repeals their own laws
After John Boehner said that Congress "ought to be judged on how many laws that we repeal", fellow Republicans went wild writing bills to strike down existing laws. Some were overzealous and others were confused. After a few hours, GOP members had r...Read full story