Russian Military Will Begin Experiments with Edward Snowden's Brain
You may have heard the rumor about the Russian military taking possession of Edward Snowden for scientific experimentation. As it turns out, Snowden was given political asylum but it was recently revealed that it was in exchange for making a secret...
Read full storyJust call me Chelsea Clinton Manning says Brad
Fort Leavenworth, Kansas - Looking more like he's channeling Lady Gaga than a United States soldier convicted WikiLeaks leaker Bradley Manning posted a pic of his new female alter ego today dressed in a fetching blond wig and glossy make-up as the an...
Read full storyThings people say and do to old people
"My! Aren't we looking spiffy today!" "Are you freaking blind!?" "You're not getting older, you're just getting better!" "Really?" "You're only as old as you feel!" "OK. I feel like 120, I think like 40. You wanna average that out, it's still 80!" "Hi young man!" "Puleeeese!" "Well….How are WE feeling today?" "OK. I'll go first. It's the bowel move...
Read full storyMystery 13ft horned monster washed up on Spanish beach 'has part JK Rowling DNA'
Villaricos, Spain - Tests on a large, horned sea monster found rotting on a Spanish beach have revealed 50% of its DNA is a direct match for children's fiction plagiarist JK Rowling. Advanced decomposition and a glutinous fluorescent substance oo...
Read full storyPM Has Message from God
In an extraordinary revelation, Prime Minister David Cameron has described a recent visit he has had from God. 'It was an amazing mystical experience' he told journalists on the beach at a Cornish seaside resort. Eager hacks, including yours tr...
Read full storyBradley Manning says he's a woman
Bradley Manning, the Army private found guilty for leaking classified documents, revealed Thursday he intends to live out the remainder of his life as a woman. "I am Chelsea Manning. I am female," the Army private wrote in a statement read by his...
Read full storyTen TV Series That Didn't Make Fall's Cut
It's a longstanding tradition in America for television programming to unveil new shows about this time of year, or at least, a few days or weeks from now. This fall season is teeming with original series -- particularly scripted dramas and comed...
Read full storyAl Qaeda Offers To Lend Detroit $7 Billion
DETROIT - The mayor of the bankrupt city of Detroit Dave Bing has just informed the news media that he has received a letter from the Al Qaeda organization headquartered in Pakistan. The mayor went on to say that the letter was written by a Mr. Ba...
Read full story27 States Immediately Ban The New Water Boarding Board Game
CHICAGO - The Hasbroken Toy Company has reported that its brand new board game named The I Want Answers Now Water Boarding Game is not doing very well. Company spokesperson Zandreeka LaSheena Lovecake said that a total of 27 states including Illin...
Read full storyMcDonald's To Introduce The McEnchiladas
OAK BROOK, Illinois - Word from the largest food franchise restaurant chain in the world is that they will soon be adding another entry to their McMenu. Mickey D's spokesperson Nancy Zabaletta informed the news media that after a year in the plann...
Read full storyJustin Bieber's Manager Scooter Braun Being Touted To Be An American Idol Judge
HOLLYWOOD - The Producers of American Idol are looking for a third judge to join Keith Urban and Jennifer Lopez. And one name that is being heavily considered is Scooter Braun, the manager of Justin Bieber. According to iRumors Braun has alread...
Read full storyCrime Boss Salvatore Goombalini Tells President Obama His Offer To Capture Edward Snowden Still Stands
BROOKLYN - The notorious Mafioso Salvatore Goombalini, who heads one of New York City's biggest mob families, has informed President Obama that his offer of a week ago still stands. Goombalini, who is the eldest of 10 brothers, let the president k...
Read full storyRio Grande River Scuba Diver Caught Trying To Smuggle 19 Pounds of Marijuana Into The U.S.
EL PASO - United States Custom Agents have just arrested a New Jersey man who was wearing scuba gear and swam the Rio Grande from Juarez, Mexico to El Paso, Texas. The scuba diver identified as Hamilton F. Bumtinbone, 27, of Hackensack, New Jersey...
Read full storyBritney Spears Screams That She Wants The Newlywed Kevin Federline Back
HOLLYWOOD - Britney Spears seems to have jumped onto an emotional roller coaster that just keeps going and going. The former X-Factor judge who was fired by Simon Cowell literally hit the roof when she heard that her ex-husband, and father of her...
Read full storyIowa's Atomic Bomb Boy Turns 9
WATERLOO, Iowa - Three years ago little six-year-old Tucky Justinpecker was caught building an atomic bomb in a backyard shed at his parent's home. When police caught him they were shocked to see that the bomb was 97% complete. A representative...
Read full storyNSA admits to rummaging through garbage of every American
WASHINGTON, DC - In a stunning admission, the National Security Agency unlawfully gathered thousands of tons of garbage from Americans as part of a now-revised collection method, according to a 2012 secret court opinion. The 3,287-page opinion, re...
Read full storyCrap, Says Hillary, It's 3 a.m. Again
According to Hillary Clinton 2016 campaign workers gearing up for her nascent presidential run, the former First Lady and Secretary of State has already prepared her rebuttal to expected replays of the attack ad run against Barrack Obama in the run u...
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