Cubs Fan Saves City from Complaining Virus
"We're tired of complaining!" cried a male resident of Imperial County, Calif., responding to a recent outbreak of a not-seen-before 'Complaining Virus' that afflicted citizens of the surrounding towns. The virus was highly contagious and spread f...
Read full storyFox News & NRA: "Change Sunday to Gunday!"
In an announcement this morning Fox News and The National Rifle Association announced a joint initiative that shocked even some of their most ardent supporters. The proposal supports a Constitutional amendment that would change the seventh day of the...
Read full storyNew Dutch King refuses to be called King!
At the end of April, King Willem-Alexander, will be sworn in as the new royal ruler of the Netherlands, but this King to be is slightly different to other kings because he has told the world, "do not call me king, call me Bill, Willy, Alex or even Ar...
Read full storyBush family compound evacuated as David Koresh channels Waco 2
Texas - Predator Chapel Ranch has been evacuated after noxious down winds from the nearby Waco fertilizer plant fire swept over Dubya's prized ornamental lake, poisoning a colony of freshwater largemouth bass [Micropterus Salmoides Bushwackawacka] ne...
Read full storyStephen Hawking Picks the Celtics in Deep Six
Famed scientist Stephen Hawking, a kin of Albert Einstein in the cosmology of odds and evens, has claimed the Boston Celtics' fate is in the hands of quantum fluctuations. Hawking told an audience of eggheads whose brain is in the shape of a baske...
Read full storyRohypnol one of your five-a-day claims offender
Drink-spiking drug and racoon laxative, Rohypnol, actually counts as one of your five-a-day according to sometimes sex offender, Gavin McCloroform. Gavin, a thirty-eight-year-old dietician from Cardiff, claims the drug is misunderstood and with t...
Read full storySpring unapologetic for striking over temperature cuts
Spring has refused to apologise for going on strike in Britain this year, instead citing immigrants, an unfortunate bout of Hepatitis B and government temperature cuts as a valid excuse for no longer giving a fuck whether elderly couples can drink Pi...
Read full storyBanksy unveils art installation made of his own shit
Controversial street artist Banksy has unveiled an 8ft wall painting of a masturbating baby made entirely of his own shit. The piece entitled "Waaaaa Waaaaa Wanky" which is the first of seven excrement-based pieces Banksy intends to produce; will...
Read full storyVocally impaired badger favourite to win 'The Voice'
A badger with torettes and a severe speech impediment has been made the bookies favourite to win this year's tediously-familiar, televised singing-competition, The Voice. Roadkill, the six-year-old badger from Guernsey, blew the judges away with...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars - D.L. Hughley Had Some Choice Parting Words For Len Goodman
HOLLYWOOD - Comedian D.L. Hughley was eliminated on week five of this season's Dancing With The Stars competition. But the funnyman did not go quietly into the dark night. All season D.L. was harshly criticized by the British judge Len Goodman, al...
Read full storySouth Carolina Votes To Prohibit The Use of The North Korean Language
COLUMBIA, South Carolina - American Spotlight Magazine has just learned that the state of South Carolina has just passed an amendment regarding the North Korean language. Cutter Shiloh with ASM stated that he was informed about the change by an ex...
Read full storyRihanna Buys An Infamous Nudist Resort
PETALUMA, California - Singer Rihanna, who is not shy when it comes to showing skin, has just announced that she has made an interesting purchase. The Caribbean beauty has just bought The Naked As A Jaybird Nudist Resort in Petaluma. The nudist...
Read full storyThe U.S. Government Votes To Designate Zombies As Illegal Aliens
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The immigration issue has been receiving quite a bit of attention lately. At first the Red State senators felt that all illegal aliens from Mexico, Central America, and South America would be sent back to their respective home t...
Read full storyLady Gaga accuses her rival Britney Spears of improprieties
Britney Spears ridiculed Lady Gaga because of her stinky breath only to anger Gaga who took revenge on Spears by exposing secrets she stole from Spears' private life. The evidence is Gaga's own words: "Could you get it now and leak it to me? Than...
Read full storyNina Dobrev Scoffs At The Tom Cruise Rumors
REDONDO BEACH, California - Nina Dobrev has stated that she enjoys starring in The Vampire Diaries so much she would almost do it for free. But of course her agent and personal manager both have other opinions. Nina, 24, has been involved in a...
Read full storyOklahoma To Officially Replace The Term Sex Education With The Birds and Bees Education
OKLAHOMA CITY - After a heated debate in which two state senators nearly came to blows, the state of Oklahoma has voted to replace the educational term sex education. State Senator Bella Irene Tannerfrip, 65, [R-Tulsa] stated that the vote came ou...
Read full storyAnn Coulter Disrupts The View
NEW YORK CITY - The Republican mouthpiece Ann Coulter was in Gotham City on a shopping trip. Coulter was reportedly shopping for a pair of sneakers in her size which is an amazing size 12. Comedian Zydeco Dupree recently said that Trigger Face...
Read full storyFirst Lady Upset by Obama's Flirting Spree
Michelle Obama has made her hubby sleep in their dog Bo's doghouse. That's because she caught the president drooling over yet another attractive woman office holder. White House sources say Barack put the moves on Thai Prime Minister Yingluck S...
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