Paul Ryan Gets Run Out Of Humptulips, Washington

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 30 September 2012

image for Paul Ryan Gets Run Out Of Humptulips, Washington
Part of the crowd that turned out to greet Paul Ryan. (Photo by Ann "Trigger" Coulter).

HUMPTULIPS, Washington - Paul Ryan's Widow's Peak Vice-Presidential Campaign Bus Tour pulled into the town where pencils were reportedly first invented.

He spoke before a crowd that had gathered in the front yard of local styrofoam cup mogul Wilcox Lizzybelt's $2.1 million Irish-Style mansion.

Ryan talked to the crowd about how he would end unemployment, the war in Denmark, and tonsillitis.

Someone hollered out that the United States was not at war in Denmark. Ryan cleared his throat, shook his head, and remarked that you cannot believe what CNN tells you.

He then noted that if you want the truth you have to switch over to FOX.

A blue-haired lady who appeared to be in her late 90s hollered out that Ryan could kiss her belly liver spots and pointed out that the letters in the word FOX stood for Lying About Everything.

Well with that remark Little Bunny Foo Foo came very close to losing the Stallion Pita he had just eaten at Horsey Hank's Pita Palace.

The crowd started shouting out "CNN YES! FOX NO! CNN YES! FOX NO!

They stopped when Humptulips Deputy Fitzhugh Fitzbottom, III, threatened to take out his taser and start tasering the unruly crowd.

The crowd then started chanting TA-SER! TA-SER! TA-SER!

And as Deputy Fitzbottom reached to unsnap his taser holster, he was pushed down to the ground by two elderly women in walkers identified as the Chillfeister twins, Daffodil and Olivia who just recently turned 91.

Eddie Munster's chief aide Wally "Mozzarella" Swizkinbrick quickly picked up Ryan and carried him back to the bus.

The bus left Humptulips like a bat out of hell.

SIDENOTE: When Mitt Romney heard about the commotion that Ryan caused he informed him that he is not to cut down CNN anymore and if he does he is going to be fined $12,000.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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