Asheville to house the homeless in trees with the help of the Sierra Club
Asheville North Carolina has developed an original idea for dealing with the homeless population: put them in trees. Fed up with justified accusations of not doing anything for the city's homeless, the officers and board of directors colluded with...
Read full storyParalytic Games Report. Day 6 and Closing Ceremony
Games Have Been A Staggering Success Says Mayor Of Glascow The last day of the games saw more golds for Team GB, in events in which we have never excelled previously. A first ever gold in the 200 metres Donner Kebab Hurdles saw Tam McFee win in a ti...
Read full storyDNA proves Richard III remains are definitely a body and almost certainly not a horse
A body dug up in a car park in Leicester could be the lost body of Richard III. DNA tests on the body have so far proved it is in fact a body and it is almost certainly not a horse. But then again experts have been wrong before. The discovery that...
Read full storyBus Stop Fever
A bus company in Bristol has complained to its local council after some of its vehicles were given parking tickets. While they were stopped in designated bus stops. The company (who doesn't want to be named by "Lone Wolf" parking attendants) said:...
Read full storyEngland V Ukraine
England played out a stunning 1-1 draw in front of a packed Wembley stadium against the Ex-Soviet powerhouse that is the Ukraine. After the success and euphoria of the Paralympics and Olympics, English football took it upon themselves to remind Brita...
Read full storyDie hard Man Utd fans attempt to commit suicide at news of Van Persie's injury!
Robin Van Persie was injured last night playing for Holland and as the news slowly reached the Mancunian regions (Red light District not blue movie area) several hundred United fans were seen heading for the local, fog ridden (that was written by Aga...
Read full storyMitt Romney "Our campaign is run by check writers, not fact checkers!"
The Romney campaign issued a statement this morning criticizing the criticizer's of the campaign, who state they are not telling the truth. "Our campaign is not run by fact checkers; it is run by check writers. Neither one has anything to do with our...
Read full storyHenry IV Part 2 found under Barking kebab shop, innit
Isle of Dogs - Archaeologists are dead pleased at today's find of royal remains under Barking's Primadoner Kebab Emporium take-away. The Plantagenet king's bones were discovered during an elf 'n' safety procedure following complaints about a whiff...
Read full storyCavalier King Charles Spaniel hairdo a turn-off Kate is told
London - "Yeah, life's a bitch...and then you dye," a former colorist/stylist/wigmaker to the royal Z-Lister said today as Kate Middleton's hairdo continued to upset the masses. Almost ten kilos of extensions have been woven onto near-bald Kate's...
Read full storyGovernment to Test Cell-Phone Lanes on Interstates
Special to TPN - Chairman Deborah Hearseman of the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) announced that several major U.S. cities will test the practicality of constructing separate cell-phone lanes on interstate highways. The purpose of this...
Read full storyWizard of Oz Night at Fenway Park
In a desperate effort to keep their "sell out" streak going at Fenway Park, Red Sox ownership has authorized a special Wizard of Oz night for fans. To keep the streak alive as the team comes under attack from flying monkeys and belligerent talking...
Read full storyFree British Army Rebels Attacked
Reports from the frontline describe an an all out attack on rebel strongholds in Glasgow and Liverpool. The regime has taken out the terrorist rebels sheltering in converted mosques. These rebels want to replace stable Government with unstable gov...
Read full story"I'd tell you my plans for the country but you'd just get all pissy anyway!"
This morning Mitt Romney held what he described as his last press conference of the presidential campaign. He explained his decision: "I'd tell you my plans for the country but you'd just get all pissy anyway," said Romney. "All you would do is pick,...
Read full storyVerbal sounds emanating from Bartholomew Utterswaithe's bedroom?
Nottingham's Senior Citizen Bartholomew Utterswaithe's, was heard in his bedroom this morning. The verbal sounds that emanated from that room, were weird, hard to describe and lasted for a good two minutes or so. I will attempt here to reproduce them in written form, for I would like to know exactly what it was he was doing, and thought someone might be able to inform me. I, incidentally...
Read full storyShakira's Ex-boyfriend Suing Her For $250 Million!
DETROIT - The South American firecracker, Shakira, had just finished performing at The Carburetor Coliseum in Motown when she received a phone call. The call was from her attorney Dardanelle Cyrus Blewpillski of New York City. Shakira, 35, was inf...
Read full storyMitt Romney Is Learning Spanish
RENO, Nevada - Mitt Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Campaign Bus Tour pulled into Reno where he spoke at the home of millionaire casino chip manufacturer Coltrane "Moneybags" Chickweister. Romney told the crowd estimated to be in the high 4...
Read full storyThe Reason Vanessa Hudgens Has Really Toned Up
LOS ANGELES - The star of the High School Musical series has been extremely busy in the gym of late. Vanessa Hudgens has been working out seven days a week seven hours a day getting herself slim and trim. The 23-year-old told Hollywood Innuendo...
Read full storyHodgson to recall top goalscorer for San Marino clash after Gerrard sending off v Ukraine
A frustated Roy Hodgson promised changes after England failed to beat Ukraine at Wembley as the countries footballers burst the sporting bubble that had filled the country with pride over the last six weeks. England drew 1-1 on the night with Euro...
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