The Yankees Organization To Tell Slumping A-Rod To Dump His Girlfriend
NEW YORK CITY - Word out of the New York Yankees organization is that the powers that be are not at all happy with Alex Rodriguez. A spokesperson for the team, Menachem Goldenwitz, told Sports Balls Illustrated Daily that the super star is not pla...
Read full storyThe Million Muppet March Scares Paul Ryan
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The organizers of The Million Muppet March say that the event is gaining momentum daily. Michael "Gonzo" Bellavia and Chris "Fozzie Bear" Mecham say that they decided to put the march together after hearing Mitt "The Flip Floppe...
Read full storyRon Jeremy and Pamela Anderson To Star In The X-Rated "Binders Full of Women"
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Mountain Peak Pictures in association with Gladiator Films has just announced that filming will soon start on the new Staccato Monteverdi political porn film Binders Full of Women. Monteverdi told Pomona Vox with Silver Screen Sho...
Read full storyBBC Presenter from 60s and 70s Smeared
A presenter from the BBC during the 60s and 70s has been smeared by the press for being the only one who didn't inappropriately touch people up during the time. Wally Hampstead worked at the BBC, on radio, and television - as well as with children -...
Read full storyNike and Lance Armstrong get divorced after Franco-German revelations!
Sport clothing giant Nike has decided to get divorced from it's former super-hero, Lance Armstrong. The relationship had become slightly strained after it was revealed that Lance really preferred wearing Adidas tight cycling pants instead because the...
Read full storyMore evolution hokum - 20 million year 'tweak'
The lie of evolution has again been exposed by, you guessed it, evolutionists! The latest in a series of flies in various ointments is courtesy of an article summarised in 'Nature Reviews Genetics'. It would seem that the 'molecular clock' runs...
Read full storyAmount of Autism Link Stories Linked to Autism
Since the MMR scandal, the UK press have been trying to make up for their immense misreporting cockup not by making bold retractions and apologies, but by seeking further evidence for autism being definitely caused by some ludicrous, single hidden da...
Read full storyRomney Binder Chick speaks out!
Speaking on condition of anonymity one of the women identified from Governor Romney's search for female candidates for his administration has told the Associated Press she doesn't know how she ended up in Romney's binder. "I have no idea," she state...
Read full storyLas Vegas will close casino gambling and turn the town into Jesus Land!
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (ABSNN) - "As of January 1, 2013, if the Mayan calendar is wrong and the world does not end, casino gambling in the City of Las Vegas and Clark County will cease, forever. In its place, all hotels and casinos will be given over, as...
Read full storyLabour Party solicitor Lord Goodman famously acted 'in Jimmy Savile's best interests'
London - Harold Wilson's esteemed adviser once fixed things so that 'tricky personality clashes' in the 1960s' fledgeling commercial broadcasting industry had a 'jolly good makeover' in the best interests of the nation. Entertainment industry liti...
Read full storyPresidential Debate Part Two - The Bar Brawl
Last night the second presidential debate took place at Hofstra University, Hempstead, New York. It didn't turn out as expected. Gone were the typical boring questions about the stagnating economy, failing foreign policy and tedious domestic is...
Read full storyCollective amnesia grips the Beeb as new 'perv' emerges in Savile fiasco
London - Another BBC national treasure has emerged from the woodwork whose decades-long paedo rampage was whitewashed over much like Jimmy Savile's. Named only as 'Uncle Dick' in veteran war correspondent John Simpson's 1999 memoir the perv was on...
Read full storyGhosts will play for Yankees tonight in Detroit!
DETROIT, Michigan (ABSNN) - The Detroit Tigers showed no mercy to the merciless New York Yankees last night. The score of the game is unimportant. What matters is that the Yankees are down to their last nine innings of baseball this season. The...
Read full storyThe Skinny on the Jets-Patriots Game
If you thought Rex Ryan was losing weight, here is the real skinny on the Jets coach. He has fallen off the wagon. Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez have pushed the dessert cart right up to Rex's office door. It's chow down time with another patented Pat...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - A Wind Up
Dear Constituents Fresh from my work experience as an apprentice vicar at Krupton Parish Church and with the Conference season over for another year we can now focus on more important things such as re-election. My theme this week will be the looming power crisis and I have a solution that I think should guarantee me the necessary attention before the election and a Ministerial job soon...
Read full storyGrinning McKinnon Winning
Supreme computer nerd and absolute legend Andy McKinnon has escaped extradition to the US to face hacking charges, giving weight to the assertion that geeks shall inherit the earth. After a ten year saga McKinnon has resisted the wishes of the mos...
Read full storyIlluminati sends 4.0 quake to Maine warning US not to vote for Obama
PORTLAND, Maine (ABSNN) - An earthquake that registered 4.0 struck just west of Portland just before 8 p.m. this evening. The Illuminati has taken responsibility for the temblor and "vows to cause an even greater quake should Mitt Romney fail to be...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Bristol "The Pistol" Palin Finally Gets The Boot
HOLLYWOOD - Dancing With The Stars judge Len Goodman, AKA The Grouchy Grouch, was overheard saying backstage, after the results show, that it was about damn bloody, bloomin, time that Sarah "The Loose Moose" Palin's daughter Bristol got voted off the...
Read full storyFootball Gossip October 2012 - Edgar Davids Special
Former Dutch international Edgar Davids has joined the football leagues bottom club, North London Barnet. The leagues bottom club? Has he been on the 'herbal cigarettes'? Has he confused his local football club with his local hairdressers... The club announced Davids joined the struggling League Two outfit because they were his local club. Well it beats commuting on the Northern Line every mo...
Read full storyGilbert Gottfried Spotted Driving An Ice Cream Truck In Nogales, Arizona
NOGALES, Arizona - There is no better example of a person putting his foot in his mouth that Gilbert Gottfried. After making his sickingly sick non-joke about the Japanese tsunami the man with what has to be the most irritatingly grating voice in...
Read full storyTroy Polamalu Offered $1 Million To Cut His Hair
BEVERLY HILLS - Word coming out of the Left Coast is that Pittsburgh Steelers strong safety Troy "The Hair" Polamalu has just been offered $1 million to cut his hair for a commercial. Bedroom Pillow Talk is reporting that the 'Hair Stylist To The...
Read full storyMetal Band Steel Panther Awarded Nobel Prize....ish Accolade
Amsterdam, Netherlands-- In the shadow of Mondays announcements of this years Nobel Prize recipients in Stockholm, Sweden, a much lesser known yet equally prestigious set of awards were doled out a mere 1400 km away in the Netherlands. Metal band St...
Read full storyRandom Acts of Football (Part 1) Poland v England
The England v Poland World Cup qualifying match was postponed on Tuesday October 16th after heavy rain. The Stadium, purpose built for the Euro 2012 tournament held in Poland and Ukraine during the summer, has a roof but never used it. The match was rearranged for 4pm the following day, ending in a 1-1 draw. One match at Euro 2012, between co-hosts Ukraine and France, was suspended due to heavy...
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