The Reason America's Oldest Electrician Finally Retired At 98
WALLA WALLA, Washington - Shocking Illustrated Monthly, the definitive magazine publication dealing with the world of electricians and electricity, has just done a tribute story on Horatio Byron Kandlekindle. Mr. Kandlekindle, who just turned 98,...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Mark Ballas Is Fed Up With Bristol "The Baby Moose" Palin's Bratty Attitude
HOLLYWOOD - Mark Ballas, who is the Dancing With The Stars dance partner of Bristol Palin, says that he is just about fed up with the Iceberg State diva. He talked with Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk and said that in all of the years tha...
Read full storySt. Kevin Garnett the Baptist
He is not always dressed in a camel's hair with a leather belt, nor does he hang out at the River Jordan, but he does own a camel's hair jacket and a leather belt, and spends a great deal of time hanging around the River Charles. We speak of KG, S...
Read full storyArizona's Brewer shoots down Austrian ballonist. War declared by NM Governor.
ROSWELL, New Mexico (ABSNN) - Arizona Governor Jan Brewer ordered the Arizona Air National Guard to fire two volleys of six Sidewinder missiles at Austrian balloonist Felix Baumgartner's fiberglass capsule as it ascended to 23 miles over the New Mexi...
Read full storyBarking man caught urinating through own letterbox
Isle of Dogs - "Strong drink may have played a part in it," Barking resident Arthur Troglodyte admitted today as footage of him weeing through his own, Acacia Avenue front door was posted on the YouBoob! channel. The London K9 postcode estate agen...
Read full storySimon's Dog Rough
Our Lord and Supreme Overseer Simon Cowell is to launch a new talent show, like the X-Factor, but for dogs! The show will feature desperate bitches begging for Simon's attention whilst wearing nothing that resembles human clothing. Again much like th...
Read full storyObama will 'Trick or Treat' dressed as Romney dressed as a clown
WASHINGTON DC (ABSNN) - President Barack Obama revealed his Halloween costume at a Washington DC gala today. The chief executive of the United States entered the White House Press Room dressed as Mitt Romney, dressed as a clown. His costume shocked...
Read full storyThe most horrible sound in the world.
British scientists have spent three years determining the most horrible sound in the world. The surprising result is that it is a sound which is heard more and more over recent years. The sound of politicians voices. "It was a surprising result.
Read full storyHoney Boo Boo Gives Homeless Happy Days Star Erin Moran $900
McINTYRE, Georgia - Little Honey Boo Boo has just shown that she has a bigger heart than that anti-Big Bird fella that is running for president. In a move that even stunned her own mother, June "Mama" Shannon, the tiny seven-year-old, decided to s...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Voting For Romney: President Obama Says Thank You!
VENICE BEACH, California - One of Tinsel Town's most troubled females, Lindsay Lohan, has just announced that she will be voting for Mitt Romney for president. Lohan told GOPicky Magazine's Tabitha Tula Wishywater that after thinking things over i...
Read full storyNo Malarkey, Giant Eyeball Found on Florida Beach!
Things will never be the same in Pompano Beach, Florida. Not since a giant blue eyeball was found on the beach there. No definite info yet as to how it got there or who owns it. As news of the eyeball spread, there were a variety of reactions. "I say it belongs to big brother," said a Florida teenager. "He's always watching, y'know." An older lady on the beach was sure the eyebal...
Read full storyEsther Rantzen In Denial Over Jimmy Savile Scandal Asserts Local Man
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today made the controversial assertion that Childline mouthpiece, Esther Rantzen, knows more than she's letting on about the Jimmy Savile paedophile allegations, before going on to say that she appears to be in denial a...
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