The Reason America's Oldest Electrician Finally Retired At 98

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 14 October 2012

image for The Reason America's Oldest Electrician Finally Retired At 98
Mr. Kandlekindle says in 75 years he only missed work once due to a thunderstorm. (Photo by Lola Lulu Kandlekindle).

WALLA WALLA, Washington - Shocking Illustrated Monthly, the definitive magazine publication dealing with the world of electricians and electricity, has just done a tribute story on Horatio Byron Kandlekindle.

Mr. Kandlekindle, who just turned 98, has been an electrician with The Zippity Doo Dah Electric Company of Walla Walla for 75 years.

He recently sat down at the Silly Sardine Seafood Restaurant in Walla Walla with his wife Lola Lulu Kandlekindle, 97, and spoke with Redwood Fingerboo of The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle.

He told Fingerboo that in his 75 year career he estimates that he has probably installed somewhere around 200,000 wall sockets.

The Washington state electrician is proud of the fact that in his seven and a half decades of working he only missed work one time.

Mrs. Kandlekindle, put down her Oyster Taco, and explained that it was because lightning hit Horatio's work truck during a freak thunderstorm.

She smiled and said that he and her then spent the entire day replacing the truck's dashboard which had melted all to hell (her words).

Fingerboo asked Kandlekindle what finally made him decide to retire after working for 75 years.

The 98-year-old Kandlekindle put down his fork and replied, "Well Reddy, ta be honest wiffcha, I guess I just kinda got a bit sick and tired of accidentally sticking my friggin screwdriver into an effen electrical outlet two or five times a day."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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