St. Kevin Garnett the Baptist

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Sunday, 14 October 2012

He is not always dressed in a camel's hair with a leather belt, nor does he hang out at the River Jordan, but he does own a camel's hair jacket and a leather belt, and spends a great deal of time hanging around the River Charles.

We speak of KG, Superstar: Kevin Garnett in pedestrian nomenclature. He is not St. Patrick, but could be the new John the Baptist.

So, it comes as no surprise that he has dunked some rookies in the shower and baptized them with a nickname for the ages (or at least one season).

As Jarod Sullinger deemed his senior star "an dinosaur of the NBA," it seems only fair that the young gun has been given a mundane nickname by KG, our proverbial Big Ticket.

"Sully," certainly beats "Shorty," the name forever branded onto Rajon Rondo.

Sullinger may be the greater one that the Celtics are hoping to become the savior in three years.

In the meantime, KG has faced the Christmas story in Dionte and decided to call him "Temple," having nothing to do with moneychangers, but selected because of his alma mater.

There's a Joseph in this biblical tale; it's Kris Joseph who has been baptized as Shawn (for reasons only known to Garnett). In his own defense, the Celtics superstar KG said he really knows the rookie names. He feels they need to pay for their rookie sins with a bad nickname.

The other rookie that has shown up on Garnett's radar is Fab Melo, an unforgettable name-and one KG has decided is beneath his dignity to speak "fab" and did not call him Antipas. Those with ears to hear will note that Fab is always Melo.

No one has yet called for the head of Kevin Garnett on a silver platter, though rookie nicknames are definitely a provocation. We await the dance of the seven veils, probably off the court.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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