Esther Rantzen In Denial Over Jimmy Savile Scandal Asserts Local Man

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Sunday, 14 October 2012


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Esther Rantzen In Denial Over Jimmy Savile Scandal Asserts Local Man
A Witness. Witnessing Dodgy Goings On.

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today made the controversial assertion that Childline mouthpiece, Esther Rantzen, knows more than she's letting on about the Jimmy Savile paedophile allegations, before going on to say that she appears to be in denial about the whole affair, and that in his opinion, she seems to have a selective memory, as far as facts are concerned.

"Seems to me," Shuttlecock told us at a pub. "That Esther, being a BBC stalwart at the time, must have heard the same rumours I did, only possibly in more explicit detail. She's obviously in denial, or some other fucking African river. Sorry about that - shit joke. Can't help meself sometimes. But on a serious note...there were more people than Savile and Gary Glitter involved in all this."

Further investigations by Skoob News reporters revealed that allegations have been made that Rantzen was informed of certain salacious details as long as eighteen years ago, yet denied that anyone had been specific in naming names.

"I have no recollection of anyone naming names," Rantzen is reported to have said.

"She's taking the fucking piss if you ask me," Shuttlecock responded, "She's on a damage limitation exercise. She just doesn't want to be outed as a hypocrite of the highest order. I reckon she'd rather be remembered for that fucking stupid dog on 'That's Life' that could say 'sausages' and hold up spuds shaped vaguely like cocks, with her trademark toothy grin than anything truly worthwhile. I've seen pictures of her kissing Sir Jim's gong. They're in all the papers. If that doesn't speak volumes, I don't know what does. What did she want? Hidden camera evidence?"

At which point, Shuttlecock appeared to lose consciousness and slid gently off his seat in the pub, before curling up into a foetal ball and falling asleep on the floor.

"Ignore him - he always does that," said long suffering wife, Anne.

In reply to Shuttlecock's allegations, an elderly gentleman eating jellied eels at a van in East London angrily retorted, "That bloke Shuttlecock sounds like a right merchant banker. Salt of the earth was Lord Jim, and Esther never hurt her own. I mean - it ain't like they was Ian Huntley and Maxine Carr or summink innit bruv?"

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more