Obama retaliates against Trump, claims Trump's hair made in China
HARFOLD, Vt. - President Obama, obviously tired of Donald Trump's same old accusation that the president was born in Kenya, has fired back with both guns. Mr. Obama's focus of attack centers on Trump's head. "I don't doubt," said Mr. Obama while s...
Read full storyMelee Breaks out in Ukrainian Parliament over botched Lunch Order
A melee broke out in the Ukrainian Parliament located in Chicken Kiev, Ukraine sending five representatives to a 30 minute time out, and two representatives to the Minnesota Vikings in exchange for six cases of Jack Daniels to help enhance their driv...
Read full storyOMG! Giant 100-metre pic of Jubilee royals unveiled on Thames opposite God's Banker RIP site
London - The 100-metre wide black and white poster is hanging at Blackfriars Bridge just yards from Roberto 'God's Banker' Calvi's 1982 death site. Taken from the Queen's first hoax Jubilee - the Silver, in 1977 - the picture shows 'the usual susp...
Read full storyEddie Stobart wins the contract to deliver Eddie Stobart trucks
Shares in Eddie Stobart rose significantly today with the news that they have won one of their largest haulage contracts to date: delivering Eddie Stobart trucks. "We're not delivering our own trucks per se," said Bobby Stobart, logistics manager...
Read full story"F**k The Diamond Jubilee!" campaign set to make a killing
London - An offshoot of last year's F**k The Royal Wedding anti-humbuggery club stands to win a million pounds if the Queen drops dead before next weekend's Jubilee shindig. The F**k The Diamond Jubilee! group got odds of 25/1 on Queen Elizabeth p...
Read full storyTennesee Man Who Has 30 Children By 11 Different Women Begs Judge For A Break
A 33 year old Knoxville, Tennessee man has asked a judge there to 'give him a break' in paying his alimony to 11 women with whom he has fathered 30 children (This is true). Desmond Hatchett, who works a minimum wage job, says life is difficult for him because he pays half of his already miniscule salary to the unmarried women who bore his migrating sperm to fruition. Some women receive the...
Read full storyRecruitment Consultants Outnumber All Other Workers.
The number of recruitment consultants has increased exponentially over the last six months say analysts at NecroManPower Ltd. It has got to the extent that there are five recruitment consultants to every other job in the UK. The majority of the p...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - Weekend Special
Dear Constituents I have had a most hectic week. As you know I have been a little under the weather after catching a chill. Anthea was the only one who gave me a Get Well card. I don't know what it is about modern society but people are so selfish and mean. It would only cost a few pounds to send a card. I have been suffering from a very debilitating bout of flu, but it's POETS day [Pis...
Read full storyProtesters target Eurovision Song Contest
Protesters disrupted the preparations for the Eurovision Song Contest earlier today when large groups of human rights campaigners demanded that Jedward be removed from the competition. Brothers John and Edward Grimes, known for their blonde quiffs...
Read full storyMercury Leak Discovered From Daybreak Presenters
Concerns grew once again on the humanity of breakfast TV presenters as strange discharges found on the well known sofas has been identified as mercury. MI6 have taken the extraordinary steps of sealing off the studio until further searches can be...
Read full storyGermans agree with Blatter; penalty shoot-outs are "scheisse" (But only when they lose)!
FIFA Boss, Sepp Blatter, has asked German footbal legend, Franz Beckenbauer, to improve the Germans chances of winning when taking penalty shoot-outs. The German national team and their federation support Sepp and Franz because they are very upset...
Read full storyThe Hunt Hots Up
Britain's Cultural Attache to the Murdoch Empire, known to his friends as 'The Hunt', is finding his proximity to the Sun is giving him bad sunburn and is threatening him with heat stroke. Supreme Leader, Dave Cameron - who is now just one of the...
Read full storyVirus Threatens Whit Friday Band Contests
Fears were growing tonight that a mystery virus which has struck down two people in the Saddleworth area could cause the cancellation of this years Whit Friday Brass Band Contest due to be held on the 1st June. The world famous contest which is tradi...
Read full storyPrimrose Hill humming UFO 'nothing more than some luvvy's vibrator' - report
London - A lunar-powered battery charger servicing the latest in dildo technology has been outed as the source of an 'alien' hum. Three months of intensive MoD probing investigated paranoid Primrose Hill residents' claims that some sort of extrate...
Read full storyFinal squad named for 2012 London Paralytics
With less than 60 days to go to the world's greatest sporting event, The London 2012 Paralytic Games, there were few surprises as Great Britain's final team was announced today. The squad was named at the official unveiling of their new training...
Read full storyTotal Wipeout Replacement Faces Vigilante Action
Underground television pressure group TV Repair Man is threatening to disrupt production of the BBC's proposed replacement for Saturday evening entertainment show Total Wipeout. BBC1 has announced that it is lining up Wipeout presenter Richard Ham...
Read full storyA Norwegian Archaeological Team Believes That They Have Found The Remains of The Infamous Monster Godzilla
OSAKA, Japan - A archaeological team from Holmenkollen, Norway, has made an amazing discovery. Olaf "Icicles" Gunnarstrand, leader of the six-man archaeological team, has declared that the team known as The Blue Sardines has discovered the bones o...
Read full storyA List of 10 Political Campaign Slogans Rejected By The Mitt Romney Campaign Team
Political campaign slogans are as much a part of the world of politics as bikini waxing is to beauty pageants. Throughout history there have been some very interesting campaign slogans which helped get several politicians elected to the nation's highest office. The country's top political campaign slogan manufacturing company, Slogans "R" Us has stated that some of the most famous PCS's from...
Read full storyPlayers Throw Moth Balls at D-Wade's Party Outfit
Dwyane Wade wears pink hot pants, but not short shorts. He wants to change the name of his team from Miami Heat to Miami Hot Pink. Had he played with Larry and Magic, he would have shown all the allure and mystique to make him part of the John Tra...
Read full storyBristol Palin's Baby Daddy, Levi Johnston And His Pregnant Girlfriend "Sunny" Reveal The Extremely Unusual Name of Their Unborn Baby Girl
WASILLA, Alaska - Levi "The Hockey Dude" Johnston, as his ex-future mother-in-law Sarah "The Loose Moose" Palin nicknamed him is back in the celebrity spotlight. Johnston, who is 22, revealed to Macadamia Honeysuckle with LaLaLand Limelight, that...
Read full storySerena Williams and Ashley Olsen look like twins
Niccolo Colonna leader of the Italian mafia in Palermo made a statement to the National Enquire that his favorite fashion designer Ashlely Olsen looks like Serena Williams his favorite tennis player. "Both their faces look identical, only with S...
Read full storyAsian dog treats subversive threat to US pets
Harvard Professor Michael E. Porter says that Asians are genetically intelligent and deviant at killing pets in America with toxic chicken jerky treats. Many argue that environmental factors including lead exposure, breast feeding, and nutrition...
Read full storyAshton Kutcher Shoots Down The Rumor That He And Ex-Wife Demi Moore's Daughter Rumer Willis Are An Item
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Ashton Kutcher, who is no stranger to the Tinsel Town "Rumor Mill," decided to get away from the hustle and bustle of "El Lay" and traveled down to Cabo San Lucas, which is regarded by many of Hollywood's elite as the French...
Read full storyWoody Allen has revealed that he is a gay man
San Francisco- In an interview with "Gay News of the World" Woody Allen who has dodged questions of his sexuality for years because of his petite, girlish, figure announced that, "I am happy to say that I am a fortunate homosexual. I am very blessed...
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