Asian dog treats subversive threat to US pets

Funny story written by Evil

Friday, 25 May 2012

image for Asian dog treats subversive threat to US pets
"Oh God! My wife fed me chicken jerky in my sandwich, thinking it was dry salami! Now she wants divorce!

Harvard Professor Michael E. Porter says that Asians are genetically intelligent and deviant at killing pets in America with toxic chicken jerky treats.

Many argue that environmental factors including lead exposure, breast feeding, and nutrition can significantly affect cognitive development and functioning and that is why non-Asians can't get smart, but Professor Porter disagrees.

Porter explains that Asians managed to kill over 1,000 dogs with tainted chicken jerky treats. They run a superb quality control system in their manufacturing plants that assures that one in three chicken jerky treats gets sprayed with a high, toxic dose of MSG. Dogs love the jerky treats to death.

Dog owners Kevin and Candace Thaxton , lost their favorite pet dog Chansley who got sick late last year after delightfully consuming a chicken jerky treat. Keven broke down crying and blamed himself for feeding Chansley her last meal while all along Chansley trusted in him. By the time the Thaxtons got her to a veterinarian, Chansey's kidneys had shut down and she was in extreme pain. She died two days later.

When their new dog named Penny a Pekingese-mix puppy exhibited the same symptoms and she died in the same manner as Chansley, throwing up the chicken jerky treat that Kevin gave her. He knew immediately what had happened to Chansley.

In her own words Candace says, "I grabbed the bag of treats and turned it over." "At first I saw it said 'Manufactured in South Carolina' so I thought It was safe. Then I looked harder and it said 'Made in China' and I just said 'Oh no.' "

Even though China has a history of human rights abuses and they are responsible for the extermination of millions of unborn girls in China, leaving behind a large, male transsexual population, Professor Porter says the Chinese are brilliant tacticians who are masters of logical deduction.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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