Ashton Kutcher Shoots Down The Rumor That He And Ex-Wife Demi Moore's Daughter Rumer Willis Are An Item

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 25 May 2012

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Ashton Kutcher, who is no stranger to the Tinsel Town "Rumor Mill," decided to get away from the hustle and bustle of "El Lay" and traveled down to Cabo San Lucas, which is regarded by many of Hollywood's elite as the French Riviera of Baja California, Mexico.

While in Cabo the star of the popular television sit-com Two and A Half Men checked into the exquisite Puffy Taco Resort & Casino, which is co-owned by Ryan Seacrest and Steven Tyler of American Idol.

Kutcher had a little chat out by the resort's Olympic-sized pool with Paco Del Toro, a reporter with The Cabo San Lucas Morning Olé News.

Del Toro, speaks fluent English just as good as Russell Brand and Ricky Gervais, except without the British accents.

He asked the Two and A Half Men star about the current rumors that are circulating throughout the streets of LaLaLand regarding his involvement with Rumer Willis, 23-year-old daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Rumer Willis is actually Kutcher's step-daughter.]

Ashton asked Del Toro what exactly those rumors are (no pun intended). He was told that several U.S. entertainment news agencies have stated that he and Rumer seem to be becoming an item.

Kutcher rolled his eyes as he took a drink of his Dos Equis beer. He then asked, "Okay, Señor Del Toro first of all what news agencies and secondly what exactly is your definition of the word "item?"

Del Toro responded by saying "Bedroom Pillow Talk, Tittle Tattle Tonight, iRumors, and Hollywood Innuendo to name just four."

The newspaper reporter then expressed that by the word "item" he means that they are possibly engaging in a bit of vavavooming, sis-boom-bahing, and maybe even some horizontal hokey pokey.

Kutcher turned to Rumer and asked her if they had engaged in any of those three acts.

A visibly embarrassed Miss Willis shook her head and simply stated that she had never, ever heard of any of those terms.

And with that Kutcher told Mr. Del Toro that Rumer and him are not an "item" and that the interview was over and to have a nice day.

As the reporter stood up from the table to walk away, Kutcher asked him if he knew of a place to get some good Fajita Nachos.

Del Toro smiled and replied, "Try The Fighting Toro Diner located across from Mama Margarita's Used Maracas Shop on Eva Longoria Boulevard."

In Sports News. Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly is reporting that Los Angeles Laker Kobe Bryant has asked team owner Jerry Buss to try and trade him to either the San Antonio Spurs or to the Miami Heat.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more