Recruitment Consultants Outnumber All Other Workers.

Funny story written by Clarity Bell

Friday, 25 May 2012

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The number of recruitment consultants has increased exponentially over the last six months say analysts at NecroManPower Ltd. It has got to the extent that there are five recruitment consultants to every other job in the UK.

The majority of the public are reported to be baffled by the sheer number of recruitment consultants, as no one outside of the industry seems to know what they do.

Ken Woodward, CEO RecCons Ltd, says the public are just misunderstanding.

'No one in Recruitment Consulting knows what they do either. That is why such a high number of graduates from the UK's top universities go into this field. The bullshitting skills of a university arts graduate are essential for making it seem you are earning an honest wage.'

Why do scores of university graduates see working as a recruitment consultant a profitable option? It is no doubt partly due to the fact that standard on target earnings, for an entry-level position, are £40k for the first year alone. However, these alluring figures may not be all they seem.

Chelsea Montfort, BA Hons Art History, had a less lucrative experience in her first nine months working for RecCons.

'I didn't meet my target earnings, which were largely commission based. This meant I was paid in teaspoons too dirty and bent to be any more use in the staff cafeteria.'

Camilla Highwater, MA Hons Communication, had a worse experience:

'Um, well. I don't know how to say this, but. I worked for two years as a Recruitment Consultant, until I found I'd recruited someone to do my own job.'

Camilla is now unemployed, but is optimistic about the future.

'There are always jobs open for Recruitment Consultants. It's the UK's fastest growing industry after all.'

The figures listed in this article are now out of date. Recruitment Consultants now outnumber all other jobs 6:1, as of 25 April 2012.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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