Barking kebab take-away owner loses winning £63.8m EuroSquillions ticket
Isle of Dogs - A late night fast food cafe owner is in shock this weekend after a trainee put the winning lottery ticket inside a customer's take away kebab. Five numbers and the two all-important star balls came up trumps for Barking Blue Moon Ke...
Read full storyJoey Barton Uncovers Alien Brain Beetle Project Head Quarters in Heart of London
A private investigator who works for a very serious London broadsheet newspaper has tonight revealed that Joey Barton has become a hero by uncovering the headquarters of the Alien Brain Beetle project. Alien Brain Beetles, as you probably alread...
Read full storyRay Bradbury's Final Prophecy
It has been reported in a very respectable New York Science fiction magazine that Ray Bradbury left the world with one final prophecy before he went to join the big book club in the sky. He is said to have told the editor of the journal that one...
Read full storyThe Zeta drug cartel resorts to random fear
The Zeta drug cartel released a statement this Saturday that they will stop harming innocent by standards if the police stay away from their drug operations. They are taking responsibility for training and releasing pit bulls on the streets in New...
Read full storyMitt Romney has millions of credit card passwords stolen
Boston (June 10)-Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced on Sunday morning's edition of 'Meet the Gay Press' that he has recently had millions of credit card accounts and passwords stolen. When asked about his creditworthiness, in...
Read full storyRepeal the Logan Act?
Lafayette Park is directly across the street from the White House. Practically every day somebody sets up a soapbox and the lecturers the president (or the presidency itself) in absentia, usually. But somebody is watching, and he's not your brother...
Read full storyEngland Have 0.000765% Chance Of Winning Euro 2012 Says Dorking Academic
The England football team's chances of winning the Euro 2012 tournament have been rated as 0.000756% by a leading Dorking Professor, writes Sport, Fishing, Linoleum, Commercial Grass Cultivation, Wheelbarrow Design, Spats, Mathematics & Entertain...
Read full storyHG Wells's The Time Machine, as read by the author
Tim Travola of Glasgow has been a massive fan of the novel HG Wells's The Time Machine since being eight years old. So much so, that it is the only book he has ever read, since discovering it. "I got to the point where I had to have it playing in the car while I drove," said Travola. "Then I started to wish I could have the audio version as read by the author." Unfortunately for Travola, HG...
Read full story"My Critics Are All Tossers" Says Verity Warbling-Trollblog
Skoob Entertainment News's latest staff addition, Ms Verity Warbling-Trollblog has sensationally dismissed her critics as being "a bunch of tossers." Ms Warbling-Trollblog, who made her SEN debut on Saturday with a string of ludicrous celebrity re...
Read full storyMayor Johnson Tells Olympic Athletes To Use Litter Bins When Competing On London Streets This Summer!
London Mayor Boris Johnson has said the Olympic competitors in this summer's marathons and other competitions taking place on the streets of London, will not be exempt from on-the-spot fines or even arrest if found to be dropping litter during those...
Read full storyNew Yorkers Tired of Bending Over for 'Stop and Frisk'; Cops Suggest Alternatives
New York - The heat is on the "stop and frisk" powers of the NYPD. Heavy political pressure has prompted Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly to develop alternatives to a procedure that allows police to detain and search anyone, at any time, withou...
Read full storyThe Queen Quits Britain to Move in With Will.i.am in California and Record First R&B Album
British leaders are holding emergency talks as the nation woke up to an unexpected Jubilee hangover. The nation and the world is coming to terms with the fact that the Queen - who one week earlier was celebrating her six decades on the throne - has a...
Read full story"Nigella Lawson Didn't Really Eat An Aborted Pig Foetus" - Claims Verity Warbling-Trollblog
Claims by American celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain, that 'tasty' Brit chef Nigella Lawson claimed to have roasted and eaten an aborted pig foetus, have been roundly ridiculed by SEN's latest acquisition, Ms Verity Warbling-Trollblog. Apparently, t...
Read full storyJustin Bieber's Mom Pleads With Him To Enter Into A Rehab Clinic To Deal With His Anger
LA BREA - Justin Bieber's mom Pattie Mallette, 36, was in La Brea visiting the world famous La Brea Tar Pits. She was quietly sitting in the La Brea Tar Pits Diner lunching on a Pancho Villa Deluxe Chicken Fajita Plate when she was approached by M...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - Something for the weekend
Dear Constituents I have had a most hectic week That Mrs Delloitte was on the train again on Wednesday morning. Why she couldn't take the entire Jubilee week off like most retired people I don't know. At least she was not sat in my seat, but, as usual, she appeared to be reading the Financial Times. I suspect she uses it to conceal a copy of Sporting Life inside because she always has a pen...
Read full story"Rio Ferdinand To Play For Ireland In Euro 2012" - Shock Announcement From Verity Warbling-Trollblog
Out of favour England skipper Rio Ferdinand will be appearing at Euro 2012 - representing the Republic Of Ireland - according to SEN's latest acquisition, Ms Verity Warbling-Trollblog. "It's all true," Ms Warbling-Trollblog wrote on her website. "...
Read full storyNFL switches to NGL: National Gladiators League
Roger Goodell, Commissioner of the National Football League stunned the nation this afternoon at a press conference in which he disbanded the NFL! "It is time we cut to the chase," said Goodell. "The Lilly Livered, the Nervous Nellies, and the G...
Read full story"Prince Harry Not Remotely Interested In Cheryl Cole Or Katy Perry" Says Verity Warbling-Trollblog
Following their appearance together on the Graham Norton Show, where Cheryl Cole and Katy Perry expressed a very public interest in the UK's most eligible bachelor boy, Prince Harry, by inviting him to 'call them,' - SEN's Verity Warbling Trollblog s...
Read full storyDorking cross dresser makes it into the Guinness Book of Records
Harvey Bristol, aka Cindy, has made it into the Guinness Book of Records by becoming the fastest cross dresser in the world, beating off stiff competition from regular winners of the Speed Cross Dressing contest from Thailand. This year's speed cr...
Read full storyCheryl Cole gets Prince Harry nod for Trooping the Colour
London - A ringside seat at next Saturday's spectacle is in the Swarowski crystal-encrusted Gucci bag for singer Cheryl. According to a Chelsea postman with x-ray vision a gold-embossed Palace invitation signed 'Luv From Hazza' landed on La Cole'...
Read full story"Cheryl Cole Will Never Forgive Simon Cowell For Putting Itching Powder In Her Knickers On X-Factor" Says Verity Warbling-Trollblog
It would appear that SEN's latest acquisition, Verity Warbling-Trollblog is on something of a roll. Following shock revelations involving Fearne Cotton and HRH Prince Philip, Ms Warbling Trollblog has now made it public that Geordie caterwauler, Cher...
Read full storySex Kitten Ad Disappoints Local Man
A Utah man is considering suing internet listing site craigslist after he spent several thousands of dollars in a prostitution con that some attorneys may not have been a con but simply a misunderstanding. Ishmael Sconer, 34, clicked on advertisem...
Read full storyHeidi Klum Divorce Battle Heats Up - Joins Canadian Hunters to Champion Seal Fur
The so called amicable split earlier this year between what was deemed Hollywood's most solid marriage has taken a turn for the worse. Heidi Klum has revealed the depth of her anger as she turned on her soon to be ex-husband and launched a damagi...
Read full story"Actress" Lindsay Lohan In Hospital After Contracting "Zombie Virus" and Crashing Car
"Actress" Lindsay Lohan has contracted the dreaded "zombie virus" but she may have unwittingly found a cure for the epidemic that affects the brain due to her brain not being as developed as other victims. Lohan, 25, was taken to the UCLA Medical...
Read full story"Prince Philip Released From Hospital - With A Quail's Egg In His Underpants" Says Verity Warbling-Trollblog
Today's headline news - that Prince Philip has been released from hospital - has been widely reported, but only SEN's Verity Warbling-Trollblog got the real inside scoop on the story, by revealing that the Prince must keep a quail's egg in his underp...
Read full story"Fearne Cotton To Buy A Komodo Dragon To Ward Off Cyber Bullies" Says Verity Warbling-Trollblog
BBC TV presenter Fearne Cotton is to buy a Komodo Dragon as an attack pet in order to fend off cyber bullies and potential stalkers, SEN has learned. Ms Cotton has complained that people are unncessarily cruel and hurtful, after widespread condemn...
Read full storyiPhone 5 may not be good enough for consumers
Fears are growing that the much anticipated iPhone 5 may not be good enough to take on the new generation of Android phones. "Without Steve Jobs to push through ridiculous sounding ideas that turn out to be winners, they may struggle to be ground-...
Read full storyAngela Merkel named Men's Magazine's June's Sexiest woman
In a strange twist, THE magazine for blokes (not men, guys or boys, but blokes) has released its June Sexiest Women List and it is topped by German Chancellor, Angela Merkel. "It's not who I would have chosen," said editor, Penelope Niss. "I'd hav...
Read full storyEuro 2012: BBC hire Monty Python as match pundits
The BBC announced today that Monty Python cast will join the broadcaster to act as football pundits and reporters during the Euro 2012 tournament in Poland and Ukraine, and also during the Olympics. It is believed the comedy sketch show cast who b...
Read full storyCameron Tells The Germans!
It takes a brave person to tell the Germans to get sorted but British Boss, David 'the Brave' Cameron has done just that! German Chancellor Merkel could not hear his advice since she had turned off her translation facility but she knew the gist of...
Read full storyCelebrity look-a-like? There's an app for that
Have people said you look like Stephen Merchant? Dr Phil Hammond? Or less polite, have they said you look like one of the heroin addicts from Trainspotting? Now it is possible to reciprocate, and find the celebrity that people look most like using th...
Read full storyClassical Music Revealed As Scam
The Assistant Chairman of the National Organisation for Classical Music yesterday revealed the truth regarding allegations made against the genre by members of the public. Sir George Michael was ostensibly forced into making the following statement due to the mounting protests from the masses that classical music was unconstitutional as a genre. Sir Michael made the statement in Bonn on Tuesday...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Buys Boyfriend Kanye West A $474,000 Lamborghini Aventador LP 700-4 For His Birthday
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kim Kardashian is still legally married to New Jersey Nets star Kris Humphries but apparently that did not stop her from buying her brand new "brofriend" Kanye West a very expensive car for his 35th birthday. Kim plucked down $47...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Totals Her Porsche - California State Troopers Rule Out Cosmetics
SANTA MONICA - Lindsay Lohan is one very, very lucky young starlet after being involved in an accident on the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) that totaled her black Porsche. According to California State Troopers Aaron Twixfellino and Hamilton Leno, n...
Read full storyArizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio Arrests Three Zombie Prostitutes
MARICOPA COUNTY, Arizona - The self-proclaimed greatest sheriff in America, Joe "Pinky" Arpaio has just announced that he and a deputy have captured three very strange looking individuals. Sheriff Arpaio informed Rumsfeld Muddlefish a reporter wit...
Read full storyMiss Pennsylvania Refuses To Apologize To Donald Trump and Says She's Moving Down To Mexico
TROUT RUN, Pennsylvania - The former Miss Pennsylvania, Sheena Junglevina Monnin, was at a local Burger Bandit signing autographs with the purchase of a Burger Bandit Burger Combo Deal. She was asked by Taffeta Kixx with iRumors if she plans to ap...
Read full storyAshley Olsen Angry At Her Twin Sister Mary-Kate For Dating A Man Almost Old Enough To Be Their Grandfather
NEW YORK CITY - For most of their lives the Olsen twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley have pretty much agreed on everything from acting to fashion designing and from salad ingredient choices to their favorite American Idol contestant. The 25-year-old twin...
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