"My Critics Are All Tossers" Says Verity Warbling-Trollblog

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 9 June 2012


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A Caber Tosser Pictured Before It Started Raining Again.

Skoob Entertainment News's latest staff addition, Ms Verity Warbling-Trollblog has sensationally dismissed her critics as being "a bunch of tossers."

Ms Warbling-Trollblog, who made her SEN debut on Saturday with a string of ludicrous celebrity related twaddle, cheerfully admitted that she just makes her articles up as she goes along, and that there's barely a shred of truth in any of the old claptrap which she churns out.

"My articles are utter nonsense," Ms Warbling Trollblog announced in a press release. "And if anyone wants to criticise them, let them get on with it. I don't give a bugger. Personally, I find it hard to believe that anyone would read any of my unmitigated drivel, much less criticise it. It's pure nonsense, and if anyone takes it seriously, then they must be morons, or at the very least, a bunch of absolute tossers."

Ms Warbling-Trollblog has a chequered journalistic history, having started her career in the UK before moving on to work for 'Huzzah For Hollywood!' magazine in Los Angeles, a media outlet owned by former pornographer/East End car mechanic, Clint Denton.

"She had a very successful career with us here in LA," Denton told reporters. "What she wrote was absolute bollocks, a right load of old pony and trap, but the mug punters lined up round the block for it. More fool them. Ms Wobbly-Bullfrog was an absolute diamond to work with, and while she was here, everyone was holding folding. She generated more moolah than the Royal Mint. She ain't much of a looker, like, but put a keyboard in front of her and she's like a runaway train. Not even Casey Jones could stop her. Of course, she attracted criticism here too, but Joe and Jemimah Public didn't give a toss about that. They just sat back and lapped it up, parting wiv their hard-earned to do so. I fink she's a star, mate. End of."

Since Ms Warbling-Trollblog's re-emergence in the UK as an online columnist, she has attracted unprecedented levels of scathing criticism. Horace Pureheart, of The Thymes described her as: "a trumped up charlatan" and "a scandalmonger and peddlar of untruths, a scabrous tumour on the buttocks of society of the lowest order."

"He can suck on my funky drawers for all I care," Ms Warbling-Trollblog wrote online. "There are all sorts of terrible things going on in the world today, children being butchered in Syria, kids starving in Africa, cannibals off their tits on bath salts in America, biting the faces off tramps, and hungry dogs galore in India. Anyone who thinks my scribblings bear any relevance to anything whatsoever worthwhile must be an out and out tosser."

"This is what we hired her for!" SEN supremo Buffty Ginslinger declared as he escorted a Thai ladyboy into the Gaucho Club in London's West End this evening. "Ker-fucking-ching!"

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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